I don’t want to make it seem as if adopting made our marriage worse, it actually strengthened us in ways we could not imagine. I’m a better person, friend and wife now that I’m a Mom. I think that in general stress can bring out the best or worst in people. Adoption is stressfull- the time, travel, money all add up to stress. All the issues we struggled with once becoming parents were not brand new issues to us. They were always there; I think we just had more time & energy to focus on them as a childless couple. As parents we felt the need to rise above certain issues that seemed so petty. I think we wanted to make Livi our priority and our communication and friendship suffered.


The mistake we made was not validating these issues and by ignoring what seemed to be so petty or a molehill, just allowed feelings of resentment to grow and one person always felt as if they were giving in. The in end the molehill was a mountain and no one felt heard. I know when it comes down to it, all I wanted and still want is to be loved, heard, appreciated and validated. I don’t want my feelings brushed aside. I would complain about the work I did and My husband would say something sarcastic while rolling his eyes.I think it’s hard to find balance… we each had new roles to adjust to. I think the adjustment was so difficult for me because I had worked my whole life. I prayed and prayed for the day I could be a stay at home mom. All of a sudden I had this toddler and the life I always wanted but it did not feel like I thought it would.


I did not know who I was outside of my job. As a substitute supervisor working with adult’s w/Mr/dd I was the go-to person. I solved problems and was always around people. Then suddenly I’m all alone with no one to talk to. I had to recreate my image of who Lauri was. Once I got over the initial adjustment of being ok in this new Mommy skin I flourished as a Mom & person. I like to think that our strong foundation is what kept us together & keeps us together during those stormy times. Above all my husband is my best friend. No one can make me laugh the way he does. I admit there are times that he frustrates me, there are days I must remind myself of the old less cranky John who wooed me. There are days I wonder if we will be ok. But at the end of the day there is no one I would rather be spending my life with. And that’s enough to get me through.

If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner

Adoption & Marriage Pt 1

Adoption & Marriage Pt 2



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