You know I have not thought much about my infertile days since becoming a Mom through adoption eight months ago. When I have thought about it, it was more along the lines of why did I go through all that & why did I not adopt sooner. For those of you who don’t know my husband & I went through the whole gamut of Infertility procedures ending with the most scientific IVF w/isci and they all failed. I don’t think about it mostly because I’m to dang busy chasing after a toddler. Occasionally I will see a teeny baby and get that familiar pang, but then I look at my girl and feel so lucky to be her Mama. I just know in my heart that we were meant for each other my daughter and I.

Then someone says something that reminds me of that old pain. A family member just found out she is pregnant- I’m so utterly thrilled for her and I know she will be a great Mother. Then she said it. Something along the lines of “ I did not know how you would take it since you cant have your own and all” Ugghhhhh. I explained that I did have my own child. Livi is my child and that I appreciate her being sensitive to my feelings and I’m very happy for her. She did have a point… when other family members were pregnant I had a very hard time with it all. I cried on her shoulder venting my “ Its not fair” woes.

It’s just so hard when the one thing you desire eludes you but is popping up all around. Everyone was pregnant but me and it was all so hard. That doesn’t mean I did not like pregnant people and for some reason that’s the impression I gave her. That made me sad. I explained to her that at that time I was grieving and it was painful to hear about pregnancies but that doesn’t mean I was not happy for the people in my life who were pregnant. Becoming a Mother through adoption has been incredibly healing and while I still have my days where I may grieve. I would not have things any other way. In the end I’m a Mom to a fabulous child who is very much my own.

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