Adoptive Parenting, Child Parenting - Abused Adopted Child: What Does Dissociation Look Like?

09/24/07

Abused Adopted Child: What Does Dissociation Look Like?

Posted by : Faith Allen in Adoptive Parenting Blog at 05:25 am , 494 words, 138 views
Categories: Dissociative Disorders

Those of you who are parenting a traumatized adopted child might be wondering how you can tell if your child is dissociating. In a nutshell, your child's body might be in the room, but his "soul" is not. Dissociation is a way of "checking out of" your own body.

I was very upset one day as I hung out with a friend. I tried to pull myself together, but I was overwhelmed by my emotions. After about 30 minutes of being unable to stop crying, I chose to dissociate. My friend got a firsthand view of what this looked like, and it kind of freaked her out.

I immediately stopped crying. I appeared to be completely okay, even though only a few seconds ago, I had been crying for quite some time. But there was something in my eyes that made it clear that I was not "there." I could carry on a conversation just fine, and I walked and talked just like normal. However, something in my eyes was no longer there. Meanwhile, my memories of that afternoon are from an out-of-body perspective. It felt like I was sitting on my own shoulder observing what was going on around me, but I felt completely detached.

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Abuse survivors describe the state of being dissociated in different ways. Some say it feels like they are looking at their lives through the wrong end of a telescope: Everything around them seems far away. Others describe a "floaty" feeling, as if they are floating out of their bodies. Still others "lose themselves" in a sea of color. What they all have in common is a detachment from what is going on around them.

I spent so much of my life in a dissociated state that I really did not notice it until I started learning how to become "present" in my own life. When I would have short periods of feeling present (mostly when I felt very safe and surrounded by Mother Nature), I would feel like I was beamed into my own body. The colors around me were absolutely brilliant. Being "present" was beautiful and yet felt very vulnerable, as if I could be hurt at any moment. Because living in a dissociated state was my "norm," I did not experience much fear about being in a car accident or other forms of being harmed because I never really felt like I was living in my body, anyhow.

Until an abuse survivor chooses to heal, dissociation is instinctive. As the survivor chooses to heal, he can learn how to choose to be present in his own body. Part of healing involves letting go of dissociating altogether, but it can take a long time to reach that place.