Adoptive Parenting, Child Parenting - Abused Adopted Child: Emotional Segmentation through Dissociation

09/25/07

Abused Adopted Child: Emotional Segmentation through Dissociation

Posted by : Faith Allen in Adoptive Parenting Blog at 05:00 am , 488 words, 191 views
Categories: Dissociative Disorders

If you are raising an abused adopted child, understanding dissociation can help you to understand your child much better. Dissociation is a highly adaptive way of surviving abuse, and it only presents a problem once the adopted child has been removed from the abusive environment. Dissociation is an effective way for a child to survive while living in a traumatizing environment.

An abused child uses dissociation to separate himself from painful emotions and memories. He does this by telling himself "this isn't happening" or "this is happening to someone else" and splitting off, or segmenting, the painful emotions and memories. From what I have observed by talking with hundreds of abuse survivors, those who seem able to do this most effectively are those whose ongoing and severe trauma began at or before age 6. I find this interesting because I am a big fan of Maria Montessori, founder of the Montessori Method of education, and she observed that children undergo a huge shift in emotional development right around the age of six.

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By splitting off the painful memories and emotions, the child is able to go about his life as if the abuse is not happening. He has the ability to be raped during the night and then sit at the breakfast table with his abuser as if nothing has happened. Dissociation enables a child to be what he needs to be in different circumstances without "betraying" the secret of what is happening to him.

Children with this level of emotional segmentation experience their emotions very differently from other people. For example, let's say you have an argument with your spouse. You can feel very angry but, at the same time, feel love for your spouse. This prevents you from hitting your spouse while angry because, as angry as you feel, you experience your anger in the context of also loving him.

Children with emotional segmentation do not experience their emotions in this manner. Because they had to present different versions of themselves in different environments, they split off different parts of themselves. This enabled them to feel both love and hate for their abusers in different parts of themselves, but they will rarely feel both at the same time. There is no need to choose between the two extremes because they truly feel both. So, when an angry part is triggered, the child feels pure anger with no context because the part that feels love is separate from the part that feels anger. Part of healing involves integrating these parts so that the child's feelings are no longer segmented, and the child can learn how to feel one emotion in the context of all of his other emotions.