Dear Sybil:

You don't know it now, but boy are you in for a ride! You think you know that already, because you think you know everything, but there are things waiting for you on this parenting journey that you can't even begin to imagine. You are going to be profoundly disappointed by the hurtful questions raised by people that you assumed would be supportive of your decision to adopt. Don't work yourself up into a fit about it. It's not their decision, it's not their life. In the big scheme of things, what they think and how they feel doesn't matter. Funny thing is, most of them mean well. A couple of people who really do not mean well at all are going to take some mean-spirited swipes at you, but I don't have to tell you how to handle that. That much you already know.

The important thing is that you learn to pick your battles. Your father was right, even a child knows how to tune someone out and say "uh-huh." You were once a master of that trick, I suggest you reclaim it. There will be times when you will have to speak you mind though. But, you never seem to have a problem with that, so I don't think I need to advise you on that part, either.

You already know in your head that adding two more children to your family is going to cost more money. But there will be days that you will sit at the kitchen table with your head in your hands while you are hunched over your checkbook reminding yourself how much routine things used to cost before you had three children. Groceries, private school tuition, summer camp, school clothes, summer clothes, tennis shoes, socks, underwear, college savings, doctor visits, medicine, birthdays, and Christmas. You need to start budgeting now, saving now, preparing for a rainy day now. What you have is not enough. You need more. Every extra penny you have put aside going into this thing will make a huge difference and save you a ton of stress. So, listen to me! Start saving, now!

Stop worrying about how your in-laws and your brother are going to react to the girls. Just stop it. You are selling them all short. They are going to love them and welcome them in every way that you could possibly want. Your worries are based on your own fears and have nothing to do with reality. None of them have ever done or said a thing to make you wonder if they would accept and love children brought into the family by adoption.

The girls are going to make a seamless adjustment to school. The staff at Henson Valley Montessori are going to "get it" and respond exactly as you want and the girls will need for them to. You are in for a very positive experience. You are going to hit a rough patch when you decide to move them all to another Montessori school. You need to think that through more carefully and you might want to consider leaving them at Henson Valley. You will be able to do that, if you are better prepared financially as I have suggested.

Finally and most importantly, be patient with (your husband). He loves you and C. so much. He has been a wonderful father and husband and he has these two roles down pat. This change is going to be incredibly stressful for him. Remember, he is doing his best. Be patient and be thankful. With his support, his sacrifice, and his love, you are getting the joy-filled family that you always wanted.

Now take a deep breath and get ready. Your mother was right about something, too--everything is going to be all right. I am so happy for you and proud. Enjoy the rest of your life. The best is yet to be...

Love,

Your older, wiser, happier

Self