In our first year home we have made great strides in Attachment. I admit to thinking in the early days that at xyz months home that we would be fixed or in the clear so to speak. I admit to thinking that my daughter escaped Orphanage life unscathed with very few battle wounds. I was naive in my thinking in so many ways and have since come to view our daughter’s attachment as a process that will take an indefinite amount of time. She has wounds that are present; some are invisible to the naked eye. Some wounds may not crop up until a later date. I do think that we have made so much progress. We still have struggles.. like the other day at play group when Livi kept going to another Mom for assistance. I was wondering if she was going to start Mommy Shopping all over again.


I had to pull out some attachment tools.. dust them off and put them to use. We have had issues with night terrors and rages after family gatherings which tell me that she is not feeling as secure as she could be feeling. I often read blogs of families newly home and they report that attachment is growing and the child is firmly attached after only six weeks at home. I hate to be a pessimist but I think true attachment takes much much longer no matter how resilient the child may seem to be. I often wonder if those new children are feeling comfortable enough yet at six weeks home to show their true colors. Our biggest issues did not crop up until the six month home mark and while we did have great signs that she was indeed attaching during that time, it was a one step forward two steps back process.


Often the more attached our daughter became the more hurt we would see come out. It was almost as if she needed to trust us enough to show us her true feelings.Perhaps some Parents think that if the child is giving affection then they are securely attached. While I’m no expert in the field of attachment I’m learning that it’s much more complex than affection & hugs. It’s about trust, control, meeting needs, making needs known, relaxing, affection, eye contact, connecting, reciprocating affection, showing all types of emotions. I think that we have come along way in our attachment journey, but I have learned that sometimes there is still more work to be done.


Erin over at the Transracial blog recently had a great series of posts about attachment

For more Information about Reactive attachment disorder check out Nancy's blog

Attachment resources


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