Adoptive Parenting, Child Parenting - A Different Look At Coercion In Adoption

10/16/06

A Different Look At Coercion In Adoption

Posted by : Dr. G in Adoptive Parenting Blog at 12:50 pm , 407 words, 136 views
Categories: Birthparents

I posted a comment to Coley's blog recently about what happens when adoptive parents in open adoptions decide to close the adoption. As I always write, I learn something every day from reading the blogs at www.adoption.com.

I did not even know that an adoptive parent could close an open adoption with what sounds like relative ease. Am I to understand that an open adoption is only open for as long as the adoptive parents want it to remain open? Are there any legal safeguards for the first parents who enter into an open adoption arrangement? Can first parents "refuse" to close an adoption that all the parties initially agreed would be an open adoption? Is the open adoption agreement written so that it states the adoptive parents have the right to close the adoption at any time, for any reason? Do the adoptive parents hold all the open/closed adoption cards? All of this time that I have been reading about open and closed adoptions, I have thought that once the decision was made to have an open adoption, the decision was final unless both parties agreed to change it. I see that I was, once again, uninformed.

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I am sure that there a tons of reasons why an adoptive parent in an open adoption might decide to close it without the agreement of the other parent. But, one of the things that crossed my mind was whether or not some adoptive parents might have felt coereced into an open adoption and later simply change their minds. I think this is an interesting take on the issue of coercion, which has typically been discussed from the perspective of first moms who were in some way coerced into choosing the adoption option.

There must be propsective adoptive parents out there are poorly informed about the implications of open adoption and who agree to it without fully understanding it. In the current social climate it seems that open adoption is being promoted as the only way to do adoption the right way. I, of course, disagree. But that's not the point. The point is this. I can envision a situation where an adoptive parent may initially agree to an open adoption out of the fear that saying no to such an arrangement would reflect poorly on them not only as parents but, also, as human beings. That is a form of coercion.

More on this later...

10 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Jan Baker [Member]

· http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/

Sounds like another topic for a blog to me Dr. G. to respond to your questions! Open adoptions are technically legally binding in some states. However, in practice, if an adoptive parent decides to close the adoption, enforcement of the legal agreement rarely occurs.

I know many instances in which open adoptions are closed abruptly with no reason or explanations given by the adoptive parents.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 13:07

Comment from: Jenna Hatfield [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

Open adoptions in the state that I placed (PA) were not legally binding. Yet, my "lovely" agency neglected to tell me that VERY important fact until after the TPR was signed.

Thank GOODNESS J & D are honest, caring people who have the best interest of the Munchkin at heart and mind.

Or I'd be screwed.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 13:56

Comment from: Coley S. [Member]

· http://open.adoptionblogs.com

Unfortunately after the papers are signed the bmom has no legal rights - including visitation. My state (SC) doesn't reconize open adoption.

Unfortunately, openness agreements are more of a good faith, honor system type thing. We, as bmoms, are at the mercy of adoptive parents in this issuse. If they change their minds about openness, there is typically nothing that can be done.

I am lucky in the fact that Charlie's adoptive parents have honored their commitment to open adoption thus far.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 16:03

Comment from: Heather Lowe [Member]

· http://unplanned-pregnancy.adoptionblogs.com/

Open adoptions close down each and every day, almost always at the adoptive parents' wishes. (Sometimes it does happen that the birthparents skip out, which is equally sad.)

Every day in my inbox, I get letters from birthparents who feel completely betrayed. They placed based on one set of conditions and have no recourse when those conditions are changed. I have known several women who have committed suicide, the grief and sense of powerlessness was so intense.

Only a handful of states attempt to uphold OA agreements.

To your point about adoptive parents' being coerced, I think this is true in a sense. By this I mean that OA is pretty much the norm these days, so if they want to have a shot at "getting" a baby, given the long waiting lists, they have to agree to it. But that doesn't mean they are personally capable of it, or that they believe in it.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 16:17

Comment from: Heather Lowe [Member]

· http://unplanned-pregnancy.adoptionblogs.com/

I should add - I am one of those people who had the terms of the agreement changed on her.

It's very, VERY common.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 16:18

Comment from: Lori [Member]

I want to preface this by saying that I do not think anyone should go into an open adoption as a way to make adoption work. I think when you make an open adoption plan you should do it because you truly think it is in the best interest of everyone involved.

I do think that sometimes that best interest changes. Sadly there probably are rare cases when the adoptive family does have to make a new choice about contact with the biological family.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 16:41

Comment from: Michelle Vandepas [Member]

· http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/

Ok, with full expectations of getting flamed here, let me give a bit of the adoptive moms perspective.

When we first went about adopting, and were at the start of our process I told everyone I wanted an open adoption.

To me that meant knowing the birth mom and having contact once in a while - maybe a few times over ten years or something. I didn't know anyone who had one.

Then we got K and her birth mom wanted an open adoption - and she didn't know anyone who had one or what it was about either.

The caseworker said good idea.

We went to court and the adoption was finalized and there isn't anything anywhere in writing about open adoption or even anything about birth mom written anywhere except where I've got it.

So I could 'close' the adoption if I choose because it isn't legally an open adoption, just something birth mom and I talked about doing.

Would I close? Probably not, although there have been times I've found it frustrating to have this relationship. I must say though other times it is rewarding. And I am in awe of birth mother and have a great deal of respect for her emotional strength. (I should tell her)

Later, after adoption, I met an adoptive mom who told me the birth mothers always go away after the child gets to be two or three as it is too emotional for the birth mom to hear the child call adoptive mom, MOM.

Now I wonder if she didn't chase them off somehow.

geez. I have a whole blog here.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 19:50

Comment from: Heather [Member]

Dr. G -
I never looked at open adoption as being coercive from an adoptive parent standpoint, but it makes sense. I saw the initial comment you made on this topic and thought it was really insightful.

When we began our first adoption this was very scary (not to mention just the adoption part it) and we did feel tremendous pressure to accept open adoption. We have worked with two different agencies and both have really pushed the open adoption concept. You are correct - it is really positioned as the only way to do it. In addition, it is laid out that the more selective you are in your criteria of what you are looking for in a situation, the longer it is going to take for a match - and open adoption is one of the biggest hot buttons for birthparents. When we began our first adoption process 7 years ago, we had never heard of open adoption and knew absolutely nothing about it. As a side note, going through the process today I would not feel as worried about an open adoption.

We have always listed ourselves as "wiling to consider" with the intent to honestly discuss/expore it with an individual birthmom. Both of our sons' birthmoms wanted no contact right from the beginning - there was not even a discussion about it. I often wonder if a birthmom who only wanted open adoption would even talk to us - the "willing to consider" couple when there are other couples that mark "yes" to everything.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 20:09

Comment from: lahdh4 [Member]

In my state Mass. it is not legally binding though we (bdad and myself) could have had the agreement filed in court. We didn't.
I just live in fear that they (aparents) will close it if I ask for anything more then what we have.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 21:11

Comment from: Peanut [Member]

Well I wonder about "coercion" because I feel like agencies encourage adoptive parents to just check yes to increase their chances without really selling the expectation that they need to follow through. After all once its legal they can do as they wish.
To me the coercion still lies with how the potential birth parent is treated. She is led to believe that openess is possible, her requests (as a parent of her unborn child) will still be honored after his birth & placement.
I am not saying all adoption need be open. If all parties agree that is not possible fine, but if the first mother wants openess for her child she should be able to chose a legally binding agreement that will ensure her choice will continue to be met. Some would say that well she will be signing HER rights away by placment, and that is correct. Perhaps we need to view it then as the right of the child.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 21:37

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