Adoptive Parenting, Child Parenting

10/15/06

27 kids?

Posted by : Lauri in Adoptive Parenting Blog at 09:05 am , 418 words, 1148 views
Categories: Adoptive Families

I caught a program on Discovery health titled “ Our 27 Kids”. I was intrigued as I watched and I then became frustrated and irritated. A couple had adopted several children with mild to severe delays and medical issues ranging from heart defects, mild to severe downs syndrome, autism, blindness and so on. The youngest seemed to be around age 2 or 3. The narrator said that the family could function with so many children as each child plays a role in helping out.

The Teen who is blind bathes her younger siblings. The 10-year-old daughter with downs syndrome dresses her younger siblings. The higher functioning children home school the other siblings. The siblings feed the ones who can’t feed themselves. I’m all for teaching children responsibility and having chores… but it seemed that these children were responsible for so much. The Mom who home schools said that her children were not held to high enough expectations in the school system so she home schools and teaches self help skills such as dishes and laundry. What about academics?

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I then heard that the family does have childcare help…and I was relieved. Then I was frustrated all over again when I learned that it was a teen bio daughter who helps. So two adults and a teen are responsible for the well being of all those children. How can they be getting the individual attention they need. What system would place so many special needs children in one home? I’m not saying that this couple was doing anything wrong. I commend them for their efforts and I can tell that they loved these children.

I just don’t think it was right that these children with special needs had so much responsibility with the care of their siblings. I can’t see how two adults could meet the individual needs of all those children. Children should be allowed to be children and who is home schooling the higher functioning siblings since they are schooling their less functioning siblings?

I was not able to watch the show to the end; I’m hoping it runs again so I can watch it in its entirety. I was just so frustrated with the entire show. Who is advocating for those kids? Did anyone see this? What’s your view? I can’t stop thinking about those kids. I worked for our county’s Mr/dd program and I am familiar with the ratios and amount of attention these children need to thrive.

15 comments

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Comment from: Lori [Member]

This is an interesting topic and one I have conflicted feelings about.

Clearly that is a huge number of kids for any couple under the best of circumstances. Given the fact that all of those kids have some degree of special needs complicates the situation. I sometimes work in a D.I . Clasroom and our ratio is very low. For 10 kids you would have at least 3 adults at any given time. It is hard to fathom that any of these kids are getting any amount of one on one time.

I worry that the older/higher functioning kids are having a bit of their childhood stolen. I think all kids need responsitility but they also need time to be a kid or teen.

OTOH without this couple where would any of these kids be? If we are being honest I have to say I am not in line to adopt any of the kids they adopted. I just don`t find myself up to the challenge.

Interesting post. I will have to try to find the program and set an event timer.

Lori

Permalink 10/15/06 @ 17:49

Comment from: Lori [Member]

P.S. I am a Discovery Health Junkie. I love that network.

L

Permalink 10/15/06 @ 17:50

Comment from: Peanut [Member]

I did see this show a few mons back when it first aired & was equally disturbed. My feeling was "WOW" at first but when I began to watch I wondered how they could possibly meet all these children's needs. Lori commented with out this couple where would any of these children be? Well I would agree a few of them may have had little or no prospects. I was however extremely disturbed to see one son with downs syndrome had biological grandparents (they were also interviewed) who had fought tooth and nail to adopt him themselves. I am not sure why they couldn't, they had a decent home, were young and healthy and would have had more time and resources to devote to him (from what I could see in the show) than this couple with so many other high needs kids. I was really bothered by this couple, they just did not seem to be able to manage it well.
This does not mean I am against large special needs families at all. I did see an episode of an adoption show that spotlighted a husband & wife who had 20 adopted special needs children. This family however had many outside helpers, a strict schedule & the kids had many opportunities to get out in the world and experience it. (I was so sad with the other show when they showed how hard it was for the family of 27 just to go to a cheap hotel at the beach!) Bottom line it should not be that hard, if it is maybe it's too much. You have to know the limit of your abilities or else you are really not helping anyone..right?

Permalink 10/15/06 @ 19:19

Comment from: Lori [Member]

OMGOSH, after reading Peanuts remark I really want to see this. I think the boy with Downs story was the topic of a Lifetime ( yes I am addicted to Lifetime too) movie. Of course I can`t remember the name of the movie, but I remember Grandparents fighting for a Downs child that was being placed with a family that adopted several special needs children.

Permalink 10/15/06 @ 20:55

Comment from: Peanut [Member]

Lori, If you find the name of that Lifetime movie please let me know I would like to see that as well.

Permalink 10/15/06 @ 22:09

Comment from: Lori [Member]

NO CHILD OF MINE
Director: James Frawley
Year film was made: 1993
Genre: Drama
Stars: Patty Duke and Tracy Nelson

Based on a true story. The birth of a baby with Down syndrome ignites a legal battle between his mother, who feels the baby boy would be better off with a couple who has devoted their lives to children with special needs, and his grandmother, who wants to raise the baby herself.

Permalink 10/15/06 @ 23:42

Comment from: Lauri [Member]

· http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/

I do believe that Movie is based on the couple featured in "our 27 kids" ...

Lauri

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 05:21

Comment from: Coley S. [Member]

· http://open.adoptionblogs.com

I've seen that lifetime movie several times, but that family only housed downs kids, didn't they?

Lauri, is this the family where the dad's in a wheelchair too? I've seen a family on Adoption Stories that had many disabled kids and the dad was disabled too. I didn't think it was as high as 27 tho but it might be a different family cause I don't think the family I'm thinking of had bio children either.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 05:23

Comment from: Lauri [Member]

· http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/

Coley,

No dad is not in a wheel chair... the title of the program is " our 27 kids".. I tried to find an exact link to put in this post and If I google it I can get a link but it does not go anywhere.

You can check out the schedule online at the link i provided to see if & when it will be shown again.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 08:57

Comment from: Lori [Member]

Remember the movie is a fiction movie based on true events. I am sure some dynamics of the both the adoptive and bo family were changed for dramatic purposes.

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 16:36

Comment from: Peanut [Member]

Coley, No the dad is not in a wheelchair. That couple is the one I mentioned above that seemed to be doing it well, with alot of outside help etc. The episode of adoption stories.
This was a DHC show about the 27 kids, and the parents seemed like worn out, used up, plus they had no outside help.
So sad

Permalink 10/16/06 @ 22:36

Comment from: abc123 [Member]

I really commend the family for loving and adopting so many special needs children. It is truly a blessing to have people out there who are willing to adopt special needs children. I liked the idea of the older children helping the younger ones, because when you help younger children then you are also learning. I think that the children who are high functioning would benefit in a school district, but I like that she is homeschooling the lower functioning children, because then they get more attention from her and they will learn survival skills -- that's what they do in classes with children who have the severe disabilities. I don't know how that family does it though, but its amazing!

Permalink 09/25/07 @ 14:51

Comment from: mrsdavis [Member]

What is everyone's problem here? I have watched this show about these people who took in these children when no one else wouldn't. They are kind hearted people of God, who love these children and just because there may be 20-some odd special needs children doesn't mean that they are not getting the individual love and attention they need. What you see on the television show does not mean that you have seen all of what goes on inside their home. The mother of these children home schools her children and doesn't rely solely on her older child to do it herself.
As far as the comment posted by Peanut, about the family vacation in a cheap motel on the beach. That is all they can afford and you shouldn't judge them on that. Here is a passage that one should think about before judging others. Do not judge lest you be judged.
For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. (NASB) Matthew 7:1-2
Now, on the comment about the boy whose grandparents wanted to adopt him but were unsecessful. The biological mother of this child had a reason for not wanting his grandparents to adopt him and we don't know that reason, but if that mother beleived that his grandparents would have been suitable for him to go live with them she would have let him.
I pray for each and every one of you and may God bless.

Permalink 02/22/08 @ 10:10

Comment from: pameleen [Member]

I for one feel that the Murphy's are doing a great job managing their (albeit very large) household of special needs children. In a more ideal world there would be more homes opening their doors to kid's with special needs, but they do not. Institutions get stretched to their limits caring for these kids who many times do not grow out of their child-like behavior.

They seem to be doing a good job of instilling responsibility and love into their children's lives. Do the kids have a lot of responsibility? Yeah, they do. Having worked with special needs kids before I know they have to be kept busy and stimulated. A public school special education is not something that special needs children would be lost without. They need attention, stimuli and love. All of which can be provided in a home school environment.

I think that their kids are getting a very good childhood experience. One that balances responsibility and socializing. Probably more then most of them would have ever gotten in the foster care system & public schools.

As for the child they fought for... like a previous poster mentioned... we don't know the bio mom's reason for not giving custody to her parents, however, having read how bitter they are it's hard to say who was right in that fight. Maybe no one.

Permalink 06/26/08 @ 18:14

Comment from: rkv [Member]

while i don't personally know the family on this show, i get to work with a family in south africa who currently has about 70 kids (many of the babies have AIDS, some of the kids have other special needs, and all of the kids were either abandoned or removed from their parents). they have a small four bedroom and one bathroom house. the older kids sleep two to a bed, and they have a lot of responsibilities around the home. while this may not be the most luxerious situation for these kids, it is the best that is available to them, and these kids receive so much love. i am so thankful for this couple who is willing to take in any child who is brought to their home. it sounds to me like the couple on this tv show has sacrificed many of their comforts in order to give some children love and a permanent family. i pray that more families would be willing to sacrifice some unnecessary comforts to take care of God's precious children.

Permalink 10/19/08 @ 15:03

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