3. Lotion – Rub lotion or cream into the child’s hands. My favorite product for this is Mary Kay’s Satin Hands set. There are four separate products applied to the hands to make them really soft. This makes the hands REALLY soft – but also gives you four times longer to maintain hand-to-hand contact. (Think “holding hands”, on this less intense level.)

4. Pedicures – We bought a bubbling foot bath for about $30 at Target. At the time, it was just for fun, for mom. It’s been a great tool for working with the kids. It becomes a “hey, you wanna…..” fun thing to do. Take turns “boiling the feet” – we bought some foamy tablets to put in also – then rub and massage with creams. If you can drag it out long enough, painting toenails adds an extra fun touch. (Yeah, keep out the paints if you’re working with a son! Haha.)

5. Keep him home with you. This has to vary depending on your situation of course. I try to keep a child home with me for as long as possible. This includes home schooling when/where possible. If you think about how we, as parents and as a society, care for our newborns and babies – lots of 1-1 time, care, love and cuddling – try to realize that your older child needs a similar version of that care with you. Just as we usually try to keep our newborns home with us/us with them for as long as we can, it’s important to do the same with our older kids. It definitely helps with bonding, for both sides, parent and child. (Even knowing this, I’ve sent kids out to school as soon as possible – to preserve our relationship and possible attachment by getting that sort of respite ASAP! Like I said, it depends a lot on your situation.)

6. Story telling – Stories, stories, stories. Ask them about their life stories. Share yours. When I share parts of my life story with the kids, they see that I’m real. Fortunately or unfortunately, I was raised with similar backgrounds to my children and I was in foster care also. When they learn that I’m not so different, the sometimes are more willing to open up. If they seem unwilling to share, ask small questions – i.e. what’s your favorite color? Or what’s your favorite kind of weather? – Even those questions/answers are part of their stories and can often lead to more involved stories. If still resistant, I sometimes type up a list of simple questions and print it out (to the child, my print is less “in your face” than my handwriting – but meets the same purpose!). I tell them I am making the page for their life book and they, most of the time, are willing to fill it out. I do put it in their life book box, by the way. Like I said, even those questions are an important part of their story.

Ideas #7-11 in the next blog......