One challenge in adoptive parenting is looking different from your adopted child. Whether your adopted child was born across the world or across the street, he might have very different physical features than you do. Even though the differences might not matter to you, other people will notice them and sometimes comment on them.

One change that has made the differences a little easier is an increase in transracial biological families. One of my good friends is Caucasian and married a man from India. Their child... more

My son broke my heart the other day when he said, “My real mom didn’t want me.” Even though I know that feeling “unwanted” is a normal issue for an adopted child to work through, it surprised me for these words to come out of the mouth of my six-year-old child. I have heard that being “chosen” does not alleviate the pain of first being “unchosen” for an adopted child. How can adoptive parents help a child work through these feelings?

What makes this even more frustrating is knowing that he was never... more

When looking for parenting advice and resources, it is often difficult to find articles and information that address the specific concerns of adoptive parents. While there are often articles about how to adopt in more mainstream parenting magazines, they seldom speak to the specific issues and concerns that parents face while raising adopted children.

A terrific resource our family found early on has been Adoptive Families Magazine. We actually located this helpful magazine in 1985 before we... more

When we chose to adopt, we were not looking to adopt a child with a special need. If I had become pregnant, I would not have drunk alcohol or smoked, I would have taken prenatal vitamins from the very beginning, and I would have eaten more nutritiously than I ever have in my life. While this would not have guaranteed a healthy child, the odds would have been in my favor. Instead, even though we adopted what we thought would be a healthy child, we wound up parenting a child with a special need (two actually!).

There are no... more

Should you tell your child’s teacher about his adoption? If yes, then when should you share this information? Is a child’s adoption something that a teacher needs to know about, or is it private information that your child should decide whether to share?

I am active on a message board for adoptive mothers, and we have debated this topic several times. We have never been able to reach consensus, so I will share with you the pros and cons discussed. I do not believe there is a right or wrong answer: Follow... more

In my post, How to Talk Your Adopted Child through “Real Mom” Comments, I talked about ways to help your child handle comments from other people stating that the adopted child does not have a “real mom.” Another challenge adoptive families face is how to handle your adopted child turning this comment against you.

When my son’s kindergarten friend told my son that I was not his “real mom,” my son was very hurt.... more

In my last post, Parenting an Only Child: Benefits, I discussed the benefits of parenting an only child. In this post, I will discuss the challenges.

Although there is a lot to recommend having an only child, there are also some challenges. I have found ways to overcome most of these challenges, so I do not believe my son will regret growing up without a sibling.

Vacations and Holidays

Vacations... more

Many adoptive families adopt more than one child. However, quite a few adoptive parents wind up parenting an only child. Perhaps this is due to the high cost of adoption, or perhaps the grueling adoption process is to blame. Regardless of why, there are a number of differences, both positive and negative, in parenting an only child.

I really struggled with whether or not to adopt a second time. I discussed my decision process in my post How... more

Whether you are adopting trans-racially or not, there are special considerations in biracial adoption. The focus of this article is to help the adoptive parents of biracial children, or those considering biracial adoption, in raising confident children who are secure and confident with all aspects of their racial identity.

As a biracial person myself, I remember growing up in the 1970’s amid rude comments and people who just didn’t “get it” or “get” me. I remember being absolutely sick of “The Box” – the ethnic identifier box you... more

Most people probably think of “first” as being experienced by older children who are adopted internationally. Obviously, with coming to a new country, everything would be new, intriguing, and scary. Actually, the experience can be very similar for a foster child who has experienced extreme neglect. The foster child will experience many first, upon arriving to a new family.

Our daughter, Lyn, came to live with us a few weeks before her fourth birthday. In her birth home, she, her brother, and four sisters were rarely... more