In my last post, Abused Adopted Child: Emotional Segmentation through Dissociation, I talked about how abused children have the ability to segment their emotions. This enables them to survive horrific abuse. Abused children who suffer ongoing and severe trauma beginning during early childhood (generally before age six) might segment their emotions to the extreme of developing Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).

DID is the same disorder that used to... more

If you are raising an abused adopted child, understanding dissociation can help you to understand your child much better. Dissociation is a highly adaptive way of surviving abuse, and it only presents a problem once the adopted child has been removed from the abusive environment. Dissociation is an effective way for a child to survive while living in a traumatizing environment.

An abused child uses dissociation to separate himself from painful emotions and memories. He does this by telling himself "this isn't happening" or "this is happening to someone... more

Those of you who are parenting a traumatized adopted child might be wondering how you can tell if your child is dissociating. In a nutshell, your child's body might be in the room, but his "soul" is not. Dissociation is a way of "checking out of" your own body.

I was very upset one day as I hung out with a friend. I tried to pull myself together, but I was overwhelmed by my emotions. After about 30 minutes of being unable to stop crying, I chose to dissociate. My friend got a firsthand view of what this looked like, and it kind of freaked her out.

I... more

I have read numerous books to try to understand how and why dissociation happens in the first place. I have come to appreciate what an amazing gift that dissociation is to the abused adopted child. Without dissociation, an abused adopted child would have a much more difficult time surviving the trauma.

The brain stores all of our memories, and it has an elaborate filing system to enable us to retrieve our memories. For example, when I take a boat ride as an adult, that memory is "filed away" with other memories of riding on a boat as a child. The brain's... more

In my last post, Abused Adopted Child: What is a Dissociative Disorder?, I explained what a dissociative disorder is. I also talked about the dissociation continuum. In this post, I will explain more about how a traumatized adopted child develops a dissociative disorder.

Think about the human soul as being a large pond. It is fluid, and all of the emotions intertwine to make the person who he is. As the child experiences emotional pain, he freezes over some... more

Most adopted children who have been traumatized develop some sort of dissociative disorder. The most common is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but many abused adopted children, particularly those who suffered ongoing trauma for a long period of time, develop even more severe disorders. The younger a child is when the trauma begins, the more severe the dissociative disorder is likely to be.

So, what is a dissociative disorder? Let's start by explaining dissociation in general. The best description I have found is from Martha Stout's book, The... more

Several readers have asked me to write about my experiences with growing up as an abused child and share ways that they, as adoptive parents, can help their abused adopted children heal from their pasts. This series on dissociative disorders should be enlightening to anyone who is parenting a child who has suffered trauma. I will share what a dissociative disorder is and what it feels like from the adopted child's perspective. I will also provide guidance for helping the child heal.

I know many adoptive parents who are raising traumatized children. One thing that... more

When I was researching related topics for my last post, Different Personality from Adopted Child, I came across Kelly’s post Nature vs. Nurture- This Mom's view on the Foster Adoption blog. Kelly’s adopted child, Sammy, has a birthmother who has committed several crimes, and Sammy has been struggling as well. In her post, Kelly says -

Which makes... more

Over on the Reactive Attachment blog, Nancy wrote a post entitled Tantruming or purging? in which she described the way she helps her traumatized adopted children purge their painful emotions, including anger. In the comments, mater wrote the following:

The "Catharsis Hypothesis" was destroyed decades ago by researchers who found that encouraging people to act out their anger only made them 1.) angrier and 2.) more prone to act on that anger, i.e.... more

My adopted child has a very different personality from what I expected. When I envisioned what my child would be like, I thought about how I was as a child. I was shy, and I would sit quietly for hours reading a book or watching television. My adopted child could not be more different from this.

My son is quite the outdoorsman. He loves to ride his bike and to play in water. He is very loud and boisterous. He is happiest when he is frolicking outside, no matter what the weather.

From what I understand, my son comes by these traits honestly.... more