In my post, Adoptive Parenting: Inequity In Hands-On Parenting Responsibilities, I talked about the inequity of the hands-on parenting responsibilities in many adoptive families. Of course, there are exceptions, but in many families, the husband sees his parenting role as being the breadwinner and leaves the hands-on parenting to the wife. The wife often feels overwhelmed and resents the husband for not helping out enough with the children, which causes the husband... more

In my post, Adoptive Parenting: Inequity In Hands-On Parenting Responsibilities, Fenyimom posted the following comment:

One that I've heard from several of my male co-workers, whose wives are stay at home moms - we work in an operations team, where we are oncall. If you're oncall and get contacted after work, you have *got* to take the call and work the issue. For some strange reason, my co-workers wives don't understand this. Their... more

In my post, Adoption: Does Reluctant Spouse = Reluctant Husband?, John posted the following comment:

Hi Faith, interesting post. I am always amazed at the standard assumption that parenting is purely working with the child. It takes a place to live, and food on the table to parent also and that is a key part of parenting. Someone has to bring home the bacon, and they are parenting every bit as much as the stay at home mom. That is one tread that appears... more

I hope that all of my adoptive family readers are having a very Merry Christmas today. I also send good wishes to other members of the adoption triad as well as those of you who celebrate other holidays at this time of year. Foster children are also in my thoughts today. I hope that every foster child will spend next Christmas with his or her forever family.

Christmas is a good time to reflect upon the joy of being an adoptive family. I spent four empty Christmases longing for a child. No matter how nice the gifts or how delicious the food,... more

If you adopted an older child, your child might misbehave around the holidays. While most children get more excitable as the holidays approach, some older adopted children might become withdrawn or irritable. This behavior can baffle some adoptive parents because the holidays are generally seen as a time of joy for children.

Children who have experienced pain and/or trauma can react to Christmas much differently from other children. When the child sees the Christmas tree, she might be reminded of experiencing abuse at this time of year, possibly in front of another... more

My six-year-old son is in the process of being evaluated for the extent to which his Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is affecting his ability to succeed in school. It is looking like we will need to medicate him in order for him to succeed. He is such a bright kid, but his inability to focus is impeding his ability to stay on task and complete assignments. Even his IQ testing (as part of this assessment) did not fully capture his intelligence because the... more

Author Patricia Dischler is a birthmother who is dedicated to improving the lives of children, including adopted children. She has added me to the distribution list for her electronic newsletter, KIDSAKE, which is very informative. She has such a way with words, and her love for children shines through her writing.

In the December 2007 issue of her newsletter, she talks about how she and her birthson's adoptive mother worked together to make their open adoption successful. Here is how she defines... more

I do not often use my blog as a forum for venting my frustrations, but I am going to today. I am fed up with people trying to make me feel guilty and responsible for my son's Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It seems like I cannot get away from the judgmental attitudes of people who blame me for my child having the inability to focus or sit still.

In fairness, I do not receive these comments personally very often, but I hear them spoken in generalities,... more

All parents face the dilemma about when, if ever, it is okay to lie to your child. Most parents tell fun lies, such as encouraging their children to believe in Santa or the Tooth Fairy. Some tells lies of convenience, such as telling a child that the stork brought him because they are not ready to tell a very young child the truth about the birds and the bees. We tell our children that they must tell the truth, but we turn around and lie to them for various reasons. No matter how we justify our falsehoods, are they really okay?

Some adoptive parents move... more

When my husband and I were waiting to adopt, our one consolation was that we could be guaranteed a healthy baby. If I had conceived a child, I would have done all I could to ensure that my baby was born healthy, but I have seen firsthand with several of my friends that even the best diets, exercise, and prenatal care cannot prevent some health issues from arising. One friend lost her baby to spina bifida halfway through her pregnancy despite stellar prenatal care. Having to wait to adopt was hard, but at least we knew we could be sure we would have a healthy... more