Author Patricia Dischler is a birthmother who is dedicated to improving the lives of children, including adopted children. She has added me to the distribution list for her electronic newsletter, KIDSAKE, which is very informative. She has such a way with words, and her love for children shines through her writing.

In the December 2007 issue of her newsletter, she talks about how she and her birthson's adoptive mother worked together to make their open adoption successful. Here is how she defines... more

I do not often use my blog as a forum for venting my frustrations, but I am going to today. I am fed up with people trying to make me feel guilty and responsible for my son's Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It seems like I cannot get away from the judgmental attitudes of people who blame me for my child having the inability to focus or sit still.

In fairness, I do not receive these comments personally very often, but I hear them spoken in generalities,... more

All parents face the dilemma about when, if ever, it is okay to lie to your child. Most parents tell fun lies, such as encouraging their children to believe in Santa or the Tooth Fairy. Some tells lies of convenience, such as telling a child that the stork brought him because they are not ready to tell a very young child the truth about the birds and the bees. We tell our children that they must tell the truth, but we turn around and lie to them for various reasons. No matter how we justify our falsehoods, are they really okay?

Some adoptive parents move... more

When my husband and I were waiting to adopt, our one consolation was that we could be guaranteed a healthy baby. If I had conceived a child, I would have done all I could to ensure that my baby was born healthy, but I have seen firsthand with several of my friends that even the best diets, exercise, and prenatal care cannot prevent some health issues from arising. One friend lost her baby to spina bifida halfway through her pregnancy despite stellar prenatal care. Having to wait to adopt was hard, but at least we knew we could be sure we would have a healthy... more

In my post, Adoption Regrets: Level of Openness, I talked about the importance of following through on the promises you made to the birthfamily before entering into the adoption. I ended that post with the following advice:

Try to make the best of your situation and focus on the reasons you chose the arrangement in the first place. Those reasons still exist. Even if you do not now believe it is the best situation for your family, it is what it... more

In my post, Adoption Regrets: Manipulations, readers shared in the comments their own stories of having important health history information withheld until after the adoption was finalized. One reader posted the following question:

I am still stumped as to how to process anger and bitterness, and grief and regret . . . Do you have any suggestions for how to "make the best of it" and get on the other side of the negative feelings? – Scrapsbynobody from Adoption... more

This week, I have been posting about topics raised by an adoptee named IzzyMom on her blog in the post entitled What About MY Rights?. In this post, I will address the heart of her message.

IzzyMom makes some valid points about the unfairness of denying adult adoptees basic information about their pasts. She did her own research to track down her birth family after being told that no records were available from the adoption agency because it had closed.

IzzyMom asks some valid questions on her post... more

When I was going through the home study process, I did not want to believe that my son would have any challenges resulting from his adoption. I wanted to believe that I would have the answers and love him enough to blot out any negative feelings from having been separated from his birth family. Then, I learned about a book called The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier. In this book, the author asserted that all children who are separated from their birth family suffer from grief, even when... more

In my last post, Reasons to Tell Adopted Child About Adoption, I shared a link to an insightful post called What About MY Rights? that was written by an adoptee named IzzyMom. IzzyMom's post provides a lot of insight into the mind of an adult adoptee. I think that we adoptive parents can learn a lot from her post.

I have talked with adoptive parents who feel insecure about their adult adopted child... more

One of my friends forwarded me a powerful post written by an adoptee named "IzzyMom" on her blog. The title of the post is What About MY Rights? I e-mailed IzzyMom and asked permission to quote from and discuss her post. Here was her response:

Please feel free to discuss my post and quote from it. People need to know that secrecy about adoption is never a good choice. - IzzyMom

I agree with IzzyMom that keeping the fact that a child was adopted a secret is never a good choice.... more