With the holidays rapidly approaching, I am starting to think about what I am going to write to my son's birthmother this year. We have a semi-open adoption, and I write her a letter and send her pictures each year at Christmas.

It takes me a while to put the package together because I want to give her a good sampling of my son's life throughout the past year. That takes some time. I sort through all of the photographs I have taken over the past year and choose some from different stages. I want her to see the progression of his growth rather than just a yearly snapshot. I also pick out good pictures of my son, not fuzzy and unrecognizable ones. I want her to see how cute and happy he is.

I sort through my son's artwork and pick out a few to share with her. My son brings home lots of drawings, so I have quite a sampling from which to choose. Now that he is older, you can actually sometimes tell what he is drawing. Also, it is cute to see his handwriting when he signs his name to his pictures.

The letter takes me a few hours to write. How do you condense a year of a child's life into a few typed pages? I write down funny moments on an index card, which I carry in my purse. That helps to jog my memory about funny things my son said or did several months ago.

Writing the letter is fun for me because I get to relive the good moments from the past year. I imagine how his birthmother will react to hearing about some of the funny things my son says and does.

I always tell her about anything my son said about her, which will be a lot this year. I want her to know that he knows who she is and that he thinks about her.

I also tell her how grateful I am to her for providing me with the opportunity to be a mother. I never forget that, without her, I would still be a childless woman.

When I send off the package, I think about whether we will ever meet again in the future. I hope that the letters will relieve her anxiety about seeing my family in future. I also hope that the love we feel for her is communicated through the words and pictures.

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Birthparents

Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt