“You ARE the Father!”

April 9th, 2013

paternity testMaury Povich’s talk show focuses on  what is apparently a TV staple nowadays – paternity testing.  The usual story blatantly screams of loose morals, lax judgment, or both, and builds up to the paternity reveal.  Sometimes, the man in question turns out to have indeed fathered the woman’s baby.  The crowd yells in unison as Maury confidently pronounces, “You ARE the father!”  Often times, this comes after the man adamantly denied the possibility, and now the woman feels vindicated and a physical altercation between the two is not unheard of. Other times, the crowd gasps when Maury announces, “You are NOT the father!”  Here, the woman generally begins to cry, maybe even runs off stage, realizing that someone else, someone she had… [more]

Household Chores and Developmental Delays

January 12th, 2010

Household Chores with Developmental DelaysOur Beauty is inching up on her third birthday (just over two months to go) and we've started a new addition to her daily schedule: a household chore. Some may argue that almost-three is too young to be helping around the house, while others believe that assisting with household duties should start as soon as a child is old enough to walk and talk. Bear has been "helping" around the house for as long as I can remember. He helps me dust (with a clean, dry cloth), he helps me feed and consequently let out the dog, he helps me sort laundry and he puts away all the silverware (sans knives of any sort, of course) after it… [more]

New Year, New Resolutions

January 4th, 2010

New Year, New ResolutionsHappy New Year to all our adoptionblogs.com readers! I hope you all had a wonderful, safe new year, surrounded by those you love the most. We had a quiet night. My husband had to work, so the kids and I had a sleepover in (*gasp*) mommy and daddy's bed. They loved it, and I did too. We had snacks and drinks, and the three of us (plus three cats and a beagle) were out cold well before 9 PM. But we all woke up happy and together, and my husband walked in the door with a cup of my favorite coffee in hand. Not a bad start to 2010 at all. I've been thinking a lot about what this year… [more]

Responsibility

March 5th, 2009

There comes a time in the life of every parent, adoptive or otherwise, where it is necessary to let a child spread his wings. In the case of an older adopted child, that moment can be harder that one would think. My son, T, has been begging to be allowed to walk home from school by himself. He is twelve years old and in the sixth grade so this request shouldn't seem shocking. But, I have only been T's mom for a year and a half. I am not ready for him to be doing anything by himself. Our house is close to a mile from T's school. It is on the same street so he doesn't have to remember any directions. He does however, have… [more]

Little Eyes are Watching

October 17th, 2008

One of the biggest things I have learned from Katharine Leslie is that our kids have not had great examples in life and that we can tend to presume that they know how to behave nicely or what our expectations are, when they truly don’t. Kids look to their parents are behavioral models, and our kids have not always had good models before entering foster care or some of the orphanages. The things they have heard and seen are not necessarily the behaviors we want our kids to have. They watch our behaviors closely to see if we will exhibit the same behaviors as their birth parents or if we are different. Nothing makes this more apparent than when you hear your child repeat something… [more]

Dear Birth Mom, Your Daughter Is Two Years Old

August 13th, 2008

I am two! Can you believe that it is already that time again? It is time to write our semi-annual Dear Birth Mom letter and update. The months seem to fly by unbelievably fast and it has already been six months since our last update. Our darling daughter has just turned two years old. It seems like just yesterday I was rushing to Texas to meet her for the first time. Now, she is the one rushing, in every direction at once most of the time. She has been transformed from an enchanting little baby to a beautiful little girl in two years. Dear Birth Mom, Now that Amigrace has turned two, it is obvious that she has inherited your tall, lean, and muscular build. At her… [more]

Our Semi-Annual Dear Birthmother Letter

April 2nd, 2008

It is that time of year again already. The months seem to fly by and six months comes so quickly. Our adoption agency has requested that we send an update semi-annually for the first five years, then once a year. It is hard to believe that our beautiful daughter is one and a half already. I want to tell her birthmother so much about her in each update letter because we are so proud of her. It is tempting to send many photos because she is so cute and photogenic. What holds me back from doing it then? We currently have a closed adoption because that was her birthmother’s choice. On the one hand, the agency doesn’t need a foot-deep file of our daughter’s photos filling… [more]

Areas of Responsibility

February 7th, 2008

For so long, my daughter took on the personal responsibility of ensuring her younger brother was safe. She’s a total “protector” and has been in “full mama mode” for some time now. For children who are used to “being in charge,” it’s hard to let go once they are in the safe confines of an adoptive family. My daughter routinely goes beyond whatever instructions I give her. If I ask her to put her dishes in the sink and rinse them with water, she will wash them with lots and lots of dish soap. Not a huge deal, unless it makes a big mess that I then have to clean up, which is at issue here! I don’t want to see her self-esteem crushed, and… [more]

Lying to Your Adopted Child

December 14th, 2007
Categories: Values

All parents face the dilemma about when, if ever, it is okay to lie to your child. Most parents tell fun lies, such as encouraging their children to believe in Santa or the Tooth Fairy. Some tells lies of convenience, such as telling a child that the stork brought him because they are not ready to tell a very young child the truth about the birds and the bees. We tell our children that they must tell the truth, but we turn around and lie to them for various reasons. No matter how we justify our falsehoods, are they really okay?

Some adoptive parents move on to much bigger lies, such as hiding the fact that they adopted the child in the first place. While these parents… [more]

Raising Adopted Child with Different Faith than Birth Family

November 7th, 2007
Categories: Faith

When you adopt a child, are you obligated to raise the child in the birth family's faith? Or is it okay to raise your child in your own faith?

When it comes to issues of faith, it is hard to be objective. When you truly believe in your own religion, it is hard to imagine raising a child to believe in anything else. This is particularly an issue when you practice a religion that believes its way is the "only way." Nobody wants to subject his child to eternal punishment for not embracing the "right" religion.

Also, having the same faith under one roof can lead to family unity. Going to services together, whether at a church, temple, or synagogue, on a regular basis can help the family… [more]