Connecting Together

October 6th, 2013

3832156682_3ac3f3c5da_q My husband and I adopted a child from foster care earlier this year. She has been leaving in our home for over a year now. We have all grown closer together as a family over the past year. We love our child very much but at times we do not connect. I think back to when my husband and I met 12 years ago, we had to form a connection. I remember thinking when my husband and I was dating that he was a nice person but I didn't think that I wanted anything serious with him. We both laugh as we talk about that now as we could not imagine our lives without each other but that took time and… [more]

Meds, Meds, and More Meds…What to Do When Your Child is Over-Medicated

March 26th, 2009

****I'd like to preface this post by saying that I am NOT a medical professional and do not offer this information as a hard and fast rule for all children. Please speak with your medical professionals before changing any medications for your child.**** Hubby and I have very strong feelings about medicating our children. Often, in the foster care system, kids end up with multiple diagnoses and their corresponding medications because no one really wanted to deal with the root of their behaviors. It is much easier to medicate a child into submission than it is to dig deep and help a child climb out of the holes their lives have landed them in. I believe it is unreasonable to diagnose a child with 5 different disorders… [more]


February 19th, 2009
Categories: ODD

One of our sons, Z, has been diagnosed with ODD, otherwise known as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It sounds as frustrating as it is. One of the diagnostic symptoms is "often deliberately annoys people". Man, is that the truth! Z will find the thing that drives you the most crazy and then he'll do it as often as possible. He has many ways in which he acts out this particular behavior but his predominant method is talking. Z is always talking. T says that Z even talks in his sleep. He talks when we are talking and when we aren't. He talks when the tv is on and when I'm on the phone. He talks when we're in the car and when we're at the dinner… [more]

Attachment Disordered Children Will Suck a Stay at Home Parent Dry

July 11th, 2008

Sucking the air outI would like to address a comment made on a blog that I wrote on July 2, 2008 entitled “Place Older Adopted Children With Stay at Home Parent.” In that blog, I stated that older adopted children typically come to their new family with abandonment issues. I realize there are many other issues involved, but I am addressing just abandonment for now. In the summary of the article I stated, “Try to find a way to spend those first few months with your child. Give your child time to feel safe and bond with you. It could potentially save you many problems later.” A reader commented that attachment disordered children will suck a stay at home parent (SAHP) dry emotionally. This is… [more]

Full Release From Therapy!

May 23rd, 2008

Though our therapist felt our daughter was “adjusting beautifully” at our last visit, she did schedule a follow-up, just to “check in.” Today, about a month out from the last visit, we had the check-in appointment. Once again our daughter went off for her one-on-one with the therapist, though for this visit their “alone time” was a little longer. When I finally got to go in, it was much the same as last time! Our therapist feels that our daughter has truly made remarkable progress and has truly adjusted, and adjusted well! She said that our daughter understands the rules, logical consequences, and can clearly articulate them. Our therapist said it appears that our rules are clear, consistent and appropriate. Whereas she gave our daughter… [more]

Hereditary Spherocytosis

April 29th, 2008

Hereditary Spherocytosis is a relatively uncommon blood disorder, occurring in 1 person out of approximately 5,000. As the name suggests, the condition is primarily an inherited one. With this condition, the blood cells are mutated, and are atypical cells with very thin walls. Because the cells are not the shape healthy red lbood cells are, they have difficulty passing through the body. However, unlike sickled cells, they do not cause pain as they pass through the body. A hallmark of the condition is that the spleen retains these cells longer because of their inability to easily pass through it, and thus become damaged by the spleen. Those with severe cases of Hereditary Spherocytosis are generally encouraged to have the spleen removed, once it is mature, after age seven… [more]

Alphabet Soup – EMDR

February 25th, 2008
Categories: Trauma

In my quest to obtain more information about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD), I’m hearing a lot of buzz about EMDR. EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. From what I understand, it is an eight-stage information processing technique. It appears to be hailed as a particularly effective treatment option for sufferers of PTSD. I only saw a few sites that mentioned use in the treatment of PTSD in children. Therefore, it’s not something I can use to help me here and now with the issues my six-year-old is facing, but rather research for future reference, as well as for reading more about the subject, as it provides more insight into the world of PTSD. The first phase of treatment involves the potential patient meeting with… [more]

Areas of Responsibility

February 7th, 2008

For so long, my daughter took on the personal responsibility of ensuring her younger brother was safe. She’s a total “protector” and has been in “full mama mode” for some time now. For children who are used to “being in charge,” it’s hard to let go once they are in the safe confines of an adoptive family. My daughter routinely goes beyond whatever instructions I give her. If I ask her to put her dishes in the sink and rinse them with water, she will wash them with lots and lots of dish soap. Not a huge deal, unless it makes a big mess that I then have to clean up, which is at issue here! I don’t want to see her self-esteem crushed, and… [more]

How to Help Traumatized Adopted Child Purge Emotions

October 17th, 2007
Categories: Trauma

On my post Traumatized Adopted Child's Need to Purge Emotions, a reader posted the following comment:

Getting the kids to let it out seems to be the really difficult part. They have learned so well to keep the protective shield up, that it is very difficult to get past that. One of mine never did, and pays a price for that trapped anger. Any chance of a post of 'how to' in getting the child to start letting that trapped stuff out? Great post Faith. - John from Traumatized Adopted Child's Need to Purge Emotions

I have offered some advice in other posts, which are included in the Related Topics section at the bottom of this post, but I want to speak directly to John's question… [more]

Parenting an Adopted Child who Self-Injures

October 8th, 2007
Categories: Trauma

One very difficult aspect of parenting is trying to help a child who harms himself. While self-injury is definitely not limited to the adopted child, your child is at a higher risk of struggling with self-injury if he lived in a neglectful or abusive environment before joining your family. How can you help your adopted child to stop harming himself?

Self-injury is anything that a child does to harm himself on purpose. Many people believe that self-injury is synonymous with cutting, but cutting is only one of many forms of self-injury. Here are some other ways that children can self-harm:

  • Breaking his own bones
  • Burning himself
  • Clawing body with fingernails
  • Head-banging
  • Picking at scabs so they don’t heal
  • Pulling out hair

This… [more]