Connecting Together

October 6th, 2013

3832156682_3ac3f3c5da_q My husband and I adopted a child from foster care earlier this year. She has been leaving in our home for over a year now. We have all grown closer together as a family over the past year. We love our child very much but at times we do not connect. I think back to when my husband and I met 12 years ago, we had to form a connection. I remember thinking when my husband and I was dating that he was a nice person but I didn't think that I wanted anything serious with him. We both laugh as we talk about that now as we could not imagine our lives without each other but that took time and… [more]

It’s a GIRL!

February 16th, 2010

Sweet Baby Bella - February 2010I am slightly sleep deprived. Wait, let me back up. I have a new baby--a beautiful little girl--and I'm slightly sleep deprived. Sometimes life takes some unexpected turns. And sometimes the outcome of said unexpected turns is amazingly beautiful. As some of the more regular readers might recall, we were in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. Long story short, before we even started on compiling our dossier, we had a change of heart and decided to pursue an adoption through the foster care system. In the middle of December, we met with our new social worker (did I mention we needed a completely new home study even though we just had a favorable one approved in July? More on… [more]

Excluding Inclusion: Our Shopping Search

August 30th, 2009

Somewhat inspired by the theme of issues related to race as blogged by Mandy W and Robyn C recently, I would like to introduce my story of the search for the newborn Hispanic Cabbage Patch Doll. No, really. I have a story that actually does aptly fit that description. But while this blog doesn't touch on the same issues discussed by Mandy and Robyn, it does discuss some of the implications of the inclusion/exclusion conundrum. Prior to the birth of Bear in 2006 and long before the idea of actually moving forth with adoption flew onto our family radar, I always envisioned a home full of toys, namely dolls in this context, bearing representations of different races. Yet once Bear was born… [more]

Meds, Meds, and More Meds…What to Do When Your Child is Over-Medicated

March 26th, 2009

****I'd like to preface this post by saying that I am NOT a medical professional and do not offer this information as a hard and fast rule for all children. Please speak with your medical professionals before changing any medications for your child.**** Hubby and I have very strong feelings about medicating our children. Often, in the foster care system, kids end up with multiple diagnoses and their corresponding medications because no one really wanted to deal with the root of their behaviors. It is much easier to medicate a child into submission than it is to dig deep and help a child climb out of the holes their lives have landed them in. I believe it is unreasonable to diagnose a child with 5 different disorders… [more]

Chatterbox

February 19th, 2009
Categories: ODD

One of our sons, Z, has been diagnosed with ODD, otherwise known as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It sounds as frustrating as it is. One of the diagnostic symptoms is "often deliberately annoys people". Man, is that the truth! Z will find the thing that drives you the most crazy and then he'll do it as often as possible. He has many ways in which he acts out this particular behavior but his predominant method is talking. Z is always talking. T says that Z even talks in his sleep. He talks when we are talking and when we aren't. He talks when the tv is on and when I'm on the phone. He talks when we're in the car and when we're at the dinner… [more]

Attachment Disordered Children Will Suck a Stay at Home Parent Dry

July 11th, 2008

Sucking the air outI would like to address a comment made on a blog that I wrote on July 2, 2008 entitled “Place Older Adopted Children With Stay at Home Parent.” In that blog, I stated that older adopted children typically come to their new family with abandonment issues. I realize there are many other issues involved, but I am addressing just abandonment for now. In the summary of the article I stated, “Try to find a way to spend those first few months with your child. Give your child time to feel safe and bond with you. It could potentially save you many problems later.” A reader commented that attachment disordered children will suck a stay at home parent (SAHP) dry emotionally. This is… [more]

Validating Racial Identity

June 27th, 2008
Categories: Biracial, Transracial

I’ve mentioned that our homeschooling schedule becomes slightly more relaxed during the summer months. We tend to lots of reading for the various summer reading programs. For one such program, my oldest son read The Jacket, by Andrew Clements. The book centers on a Caucasian boy who accuses an African-American boy of stealing a jacket. When it’s revealed this accusation is in error, it causes the boy to rethink his beliefs about race and color, and examine his own prejudices. I asked my son about this book. He was able to summarize the plot for me, and give me basic information about the book. However, when I asked him more detailed questions about the meaning of the book, he gave technically correct answers, but didn’t seem to… [more]

Helping Your Child Take Ownership of a Special Need

May 28th, 2008
Categories: Special Needs

Two of my children have special medical needs, and one has grappled in recent past with mental health issues. Whenever possible, I try to involve my children in the process of caring for their conditions, knowing that at some point, the majority of care regarding it will be transferred to them. My oldest was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes shortly before his third birthday. About a week after his fourth birthday, he began checking his own blood sugar – yes, with a lancet – under our close supervision. Now, at almost 10 years of age, he does entire infusion site changes for his insulin pump. When he was diagnosed with epilepsy a couple of months ago, we also heavily involved him in his own self-care. He… [more]

New Report on Adoption and Race Released Today

May 27th, 2008
Categories: Transracial

A report released today by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute suggests that minority children are not best served by what they term a “color-blind approach.” Citing statistics that show over 50% of children waiting to be adopted are children of color, the Institute recommends the Multi-ethnic Placement Act be amended to include race as a factor to be considered when placing children for adoption. This is an adoption “hot-button” issue, emotionally charged, and with serious ramifications. On the one hand, no one disputes the fact that there are children now, who need stable homes now, regardless of the color represented in that home. The argument is that stability, of any flavor or stripe, is better than abuse or neglect, and this is true. However, as a bi-racial… [more]

Full Release From Therapy!

May 23rd, 2008

Though our therapist felt our daughter was “adjusting beautifully” at our last visit, she did schedule a follow-up, just to “check in.” Today, about a month out from the last visit, we had the check-in appointment. Once again our daughter went off for her one-on-one with the therapist, though for this visit their “alone time” was a little longer. When I finally got to go in, it was much the same as last time! Our therapist feels that our daughter has truly made remarkable progress and has truly adjusted, and adjusted well! She said that our daughter understands the rules, logical consequences, and can clearly articulate them. Our therapist said it appears that our rules are clear, consistent and appropriate. Whereas she gave our daughter… [more]