When Adding a Child Adds Stress to Your Marriage

November 15th, 2009

When Adding a Child Adds Stress to Your MarriageWhen Bear was born, my husband and I had one uniting focus: meeting  Bear's needs and keeping him happy while we were doing so. Our marriage grew stronger as we really learned the meaning of "team effort".  Sure, there were trying moments, but overall, we did everything as a joint endeavor. I don't mind boasting that my husband, who worked two jobs, never missed a single nighttime feeding when he was home. We were just like that; we easily fell into a seamless pattern. Our transition with Beauty's arrival, however, wasn't quite as smooth. Let me preface the rest by saying that it was in no way, shape, or form the fault of Beauty. She… [more]

Crazy Love Fest

March 30th, 2009

A disclaimer for this post: I do understand that there are many types of parenting relationships. There are same-sex parents, single parents, married parents, separated parents, and others. For simplicity, I will refer to marriage in this post when talking about the parenting relationship. Challenges in a marriage will either make a couple stronger or tear them apart. Children who have emotional struggles due to past experiences are a challenge to a marriage. Sometimes kids will directly attack the marriage relationship, attempting to divide and conquer. Sometimes it is merely the stress of parenting challenging children that will eat away at the foundation of a marriage. For children who have never seen a good example of a strong marriage, it is important to clearly define the… [more]

Temper Tantrums

February 17th, 2009

Our son Z is nine years old but really, emotionally, he is four. Confusing I know, but it is reality of raising a child who has been emotionally stunted by his past. Z can throw a tantrum unlike any child I have ever seen. In fact, I hope I never see another child throw a "Z Tantrum". Nothing about his behavior would indicate that he has graced the earth with his presence for a solid nine years. Z has thrown these fits since the beginning. Unlike T, Z never had a honeymoon period. His behaviors cropped up on his very first overnight visit. I have seen him throw tantrum after tantrum but nothing quite like his fit last weekend. Our family decided we would head… [more]

How to Parent as a Team

May 5th, 2007

parentsAs discussed in another blog, it is extremely important for our children that their moms and dads use a team approach in parenting them. This includes current parents, previous parents and birth parents if still actively involved in the child’s life. Children have a finely tuned ability to notice any “weak spots” in the team parenting, hone in on those, and use them to “conquer and divide” or to cause dissension among the adults. This seems especially true with adopted children, children with reactive attachment disorder, and children with extra loss issues. What are some ideas we can use to strengthen a team parenting approach?? 1) Appear united. Let the child see that you support each other in decision making. Never… [more]

Parenting as a Team

May 3rd, 2007

parentsMom and Dad. Both parents to the same child. But, are they parenting as a team? Are they partners? (For purpose of this blog, it is assumed that the parents are married. Of course, there are other situations. Hopefully, you can find yourself in this blog, even if not your same situation.) I think all of us want to be parenting partners with our spouse. Even when our spouse also wants to be a parenting partner, does it always seem like it’s working out the way you’d planned? Often, I find that my husband and I, while in the same house and parenting the same children, seem to be coming from a different angle. We’re simply on a… [more]

Fighting Fair

December 1st, 2006

Before becoming a Mom I use to talk to my friend & a Mom of three kids. I inquired about how she and her husband deal with arguments and issues that come up in their marriage. I asked if they fight/argue in front of the kids? I remember her saying that they “don’t have time to fight”. One thing that concerned me prior to becoming a Mom is how to deal with little rifts & not so little arguments that arise when your parents.Its inevitable. I feel strongly about not arguing with my husband in front of our daughter. I don’t want her to see us like that or pick up on the tension, although I’m sure she still does even when we… [more]

Love Thursday: The Good

November 30th, 2006

Since I have been so candid this week and openly bashed my poor husband I thought I would post a picture of the day we became Mr & Mrs and share some of the good stuff. I asked my husband prior to planning this week of Marriage themed posts if he wanted to read anything before hand. I wanted to make sure he was comfortable with what I was putting out there in Blog land. He declined to read it and that shows that he trusts me. While I may portray my side & perspective he knows I will be honest. Our relationship & marriage has gone through its share of changes these past eight-month we spent as parents. We are stronger for it… [more]

It’s Your Job

November 30th, 2006

I swear if I hear my husband mutter those words once more I may go crazy. I interrupted his very important computer video game of saving the world or some other equally important game to ask for help with our daughter. As usual on a sunday morning I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off doing morning chores so that I could enjoy the rest of my day and be involved with my daughter & husband. I try to do chores when my daughter is napping or when my husband is home so that he can be with our girl. She stands at the gate crying “Up” while I’m doing laundry or taking out the trash. I needed help… [more]

Adoption & Marriage- Pt 3

November 29th, 2006

I don’t want to make it seem as if adopting made our marriage worse, it actually strengthened us in ways we could not imagine. I’m a better person, friend and wife now that I’m a Mom. I think that in general stress can bring out the best or worst in people. Adoption is stressfull- the time, travel, money all add up to stress. All the issues we struggled with once becoming parents were not brand new issues to us. They were always there; I think we just had more time & energy to focus on them as a childless couple. As parents we felt the need to rise above certain issues that seemed so petty. I think we wanted to make Livi our… [more]

Adoption & Marriage Pt 2

November 28th, 2006

So I last left off that my husband and I were having communication issues .We had been home a few months and had focused all of our energy on our daughter’s attachment and feelings of security. My husband contracted Hep A from my daughter, spent time in the ICU and quickly was working six days a week again. We had no time to face the issues that were brewing. We had such little time together I did not want to spend it arguing.Any attempts we made to bring up issues were quickly heated and we got defensive. John used sarcasam as his weapon of choice. I used criticisim as mine. I was feeling depressed, unhappy, and resentful and the worst part is that I… [more]