Adoptive Moms

It was a beautiful day yesterday.  A treasure to enjoy before the cold weather sets in.  Early fall, the sun was shining, the leaves just starting to turn orange, red and yellow.  We ran around as a family; cleaning the garage, cheering at soccer games, friends stopped by, the boys looked for frogs and played wiffle ball in the backyard. In the afternoon, my husband piled as many boys as he could fit in his car and took them out to lunch. I took Eliza, my four year old in my car. She wanted McDonalds (sorry health nuts), or Old McDonalds, as she calls it, so we went to get her Happy Meal, and I got the requisite boring mom salad.  We… [more]

The other day I wrote a post about single parenthood, a fact of life for many adoptive families.  A lot of people (mostly women, but not all) choose to parent on their own, while others, like mine, become single parent homes after the children arrive.  The other day I mentioned a recent study by the Pew Research Center which indicates that there is a bias when it comes to single parents and that about 2/3 of Americans believe that families headed by single mothers are actually bad for society.  An attitude that definitely  hurts my feelings! I come to this issue from two perspectives: First, I grew up in a single parent household, and now I am experiencing it firsthand as a single… [more]

There was a recent poll taken by the Pew Center for Research recently which dealt with changing trends in American families.  The questions asked to over 2,500 Americans had to do with trends in American families and whether the individuals who were polled considered various things to be good, bad, or of no consequence to society.  People were asked about a variety of different family arrangements: more mothers of young children working outside the home, more people of different races marrying, more gay and lesbian couples raising children, and more single women having children without a male partner to help raise them,..... The researchers called about a third of the respondents (31%) “accepters”--About half to two-thirds of this group say that these trends… [more]

I recently had a conversation with a good friend, someone I respect and appreciate very much. The long and short of it is that our conversation centered on motherhood--by means of either biology or adoption. While she's always been completely open to adoption and doesn't personally view it as "the absolute last resort", she did state that it is her belief that the true motherhood experience begins at conception. I disagreed, stomped my foot, and pouted. But a few hours later, I realized she was so right on. While pregnant with Bear, I felt every kick, every nudge, every stretch. I felt horrid for the first three months; I cried out of misery almost every night for two weeks prior to his birth… [more]

The holidays have come and gone. If you're anything like me, I'm still not back to my normal routine. I feel that I'm almost there, but not quite. It's hard to wrap my head around a whole new year, and the fact that my vacation is over. Reality is calling, and I'm trying not to answer. Chances are you and your children may be experiencing the same thing. The holidays were a busy time of year. It was filled with get-togethers, obscenely early shopping trips, delicious sugary treats, and time off of work and school. It was a time of year to be enjoyed and cherished. But once it's over, it's time to get back to your daily routine. While it may be… [more]

Back story: I have a fairly large list of friends on facebook. I have received numerous adoption information requests over the past year, and I am always more than happy to share our adoption story and any information I can provide. That said, today I received a facebook message that left me a little speechless. Sender: "You know, I'm pretty sure that [Beauty's] homecoming attachment problems would've been solved if you had been breastfeeding. Just curious as to why you didn't try that! It's so much better for the baby anyway." Blink. Blink. Blink. Here's what I'm not looking to get into: the formula-feeding versus breastfeeding debate. Personally, I believe nursing is best, but I also believe that no mother should ever… [more]

This will shock no one: stereotypes run rampant in adoption. "Birth mothers are promiscuous, young, poor, and uneducated." "Adoptive mothers are stuck up, rich, in it for the 'status symbol', and wildly desperate for a child." Do I even need to launch into a lecture on inclusive language? Or debunk the myth that all first and adoptive moms fit a single, respective mold? I didn't think so. Does it seem like first and adoptive moms are both able to face and receive a bad rap? Certainly. You can find best and worst case scenarios for any situation you can contemplate. For every person that has a great adoption experience to discuss, there's someone else with one that's not-so-great… [more]

I am a stay-at-home mom. I briefly mentioned as such in a blog I wrote for "adoptive parenting" earlier today, in fact, and felt compelled to expound a bit on this topic this evening. I say it proudly: I am a stay-at-home mom. I love it. I love it more than I ever thought possible. I love it with a fierce intensity. Yes, I love it. Here's what I don't love, though: the fact that it was seemingly expected. After all, we adopted a baby. I've had this conversation with so, so many of my adoptive mom friends at some point in time--some stay-at-home moms (SAHM), some work-at-home moms (WAHM), and some working moms (outside the home)--and the… [more]

When Beauty arrived home, we were in the midst of a blustery, snowy Chicago winter. It was freezing outside, but my heart was filled with a warmth beyond words. My daughter, a little girl I loved so strongly before she ever even took her first breath nine months prior, was here, in my arms. Our family of three had transitioned to a beautiful family of four and my heart was positively bursting with love. I've mentioned in past entries that my children are only 10.5 months apart in age; I've also mentioned the issues we dealt with upon Beauty's transitional period of homecoming. This is my entry dedicated to Bear's side of the same story. When I was pregnant, my… [more]

A few weeks back, I had a quick cup of coffee with a dear friend of mine. We did the usually "catch up" convos; we talked about our families, reminisced about the "old days", and laughed a lot. I mentioned in passing that I was writing for AdoptionBlogs, and a conversation of interest ensued. Basically, she understood how I'd be engrossed in writing about international adoption and Guatemala (two subjects so very near to my heart), but she didn't quite "get" the whole adoptive parenting issue. "What," she posed, "does 'adoptive parenting' even mean? And how is it different from 'regular' parenting?" Tricky. You know, the short answer is that I honestly never really thought about defining… [more]