Difficult Choices – Babysitting Grandchildren

April 12th, 2008

When my first grandchild was born, I insisted that my daughter let me baby sit for her when she returned to work. She may have been a little surprised because she came to live with us as a teenager and we adopted her when she was 15. During those days just after my granddaughter’s birth, I went to visit her and rock her almost everyday. My daughter had to return to work when her daughter was only five weeks old to support her. As you can imagine, I really bonded with my granddaughter during those early weeks. Eventually, our daughter Ami was born and placed with us through private adoption. I took a part-time job, my daughter got married, had another baby, and I wasn’t the… [more]

Are Adopted Children Less Likely to Move Out?

January 21st, 2008
Categories: Adult Adoptees

I cannot remember where I heard or read this, but I have heard it said that adopted children are less likely to leave the home when they turn eighteen. They are also supposedly less likely to leave town to go to college or take a job. Instead, they are more likely to live at home while attending a local college or get a job closer to their adoptive parents' home.

I tried to find this article on the Internet but was not successful, so I must have read it in a book somewhere. I am not saying that this premise is true. I just thought this was an interesting topic to discuss.

The author speculated that adopted children were less likely to move away because of… [more]

Opening Adoption Records for Adoptees

December 13th, 2007
Categories: Adult Adoptees

This week, I have been posting about topics raised by an adoptee named IzzyMom on her blog in the post entitled What About MY Rights?. In this post, I will address the heart of her message.

IzzyMom makes some valid points about the unfairness of denying adult adoptees basic information about their pasts. She did her own research to track down her birth family after being told that no records were available from the adoption agency because it had closed.

IzzyMom asks some valid questions on her post about the rights of adoptees to know their own history:

But what about the adopted children who grow up, both knowing or not knowing of their adoptive status? What about them? What about their rights? What about MY rights?

Doesn’t… [more]

How to Teach an Irresponsible Adult Adopted Child Responsibility

August 20th, 2007
Categories: Adult Adoptees

Tree in Swamp (c) Lynda Bernhardt

In my last post, Perceptions of Irresponsible Adult Adopted Child, I talked about how insulting it is to an irresponsible young adult to assume that he does not have the ability to learn how to make better choices. I promised to provide advice for how to teach an adult adopted child responsibility in this post. Here is my advice: Love your adult adopted child enough to allow him to make his own choices and experience the resulting consequences. This is very hard to do, but it really is that simple. If you allow your adult adopted child to experience the consequences of his choices, he will learn responsibility.

I speak from experience here. I do not have an… [more]

Perceptions of Irresponsible Adult Adopted Child

August 17th, 2007
Categories: Adult Adoptees

Cave (c) Lynda Bernhardt

In case you missed it, the Reactive Attachment Disorder blog has a heated debate going about Nancy’s adult adopted child who is not making the most responsible choices. Nancy has made the decision to let her adult daughter make her own choices and either sink or swim without bailing her out. Some readers have accused Nancy of not being “loving” by making this choice. See the following posts and comments for more on this situation:

How to help your adult adopted child become more responsible is definitely a worthwhile topic to cover on the… [more]

Adoptees Do Grow Up

April 10th, 2007
Categories: Adult Adoptees

candleThe title isn't so startling, is it? Children grow up. That’s what they do. This inclusive statement extends to adoptee children as well. They grow up. So why is it worth talking about? My adopted children have arrived to me between 17mos and 17yrs old. From the first time I hear that the child will be arriving, I work and plan for this child to have a successful life. By nature of the adoptions I’ve pursued, my kids have come from really, really awful backgrounds. Because of that, my focus starts from day one – and the focus usually remains pretty short term at the beginning. That’s the fancy way of saying we hope to… [more]

Parenting your adult adopted child

September 4th, 2006
Categories: Adult Adoptees

So, I'm sitting here cranking along writing a thought provoking post about the role of parenting with adult adopted children when Tropical Storm Ernesto blows through my little tiny subdivision and knocks out our electricity--for hours! Although everything was completely back to normal by later on that very evening, it has taken me this long to make my way back to the computer to recover my thoughts. Argh! I hate it when stuff like that happens! Of course, this post won't even come close to communicating the deep and profound thouhts of the first. At least that's how it tends to work for me whenever I lose something that I am working on. Still, I'll give it my best. I tend to be a… [more]