Telling Others about the Adoption

May 17th, 2013

secretWho’s job is it to tell people our child’s adoption story?  Is there even such a thing as a right to know when it comes to a person’s adoption status?  Of course the child herself or himself has a right to know, but that’s not what I’m talking about.  What about the child’s relatives?  Friends of the family?  Parents’ coworkers? There are situations when it is abundantly clear that an adoption took place.  The parents may have needed to take a lot of time off work for travel, or a group of people see the mother on a regular basis and go from seeing her slim one day and with a baby the next, or the parents look nothing like their adopted child. … [more]

Double Digits!

June 29th, 2008
Categories: Birthdays, Privacy

My oldest turns 10 this week – Double Digits. In anticipation, he's been educating the two youngest on the Intricacies of Being a 'Tween. Every morning you'll find him coming up with new “rules” or facts about what 10-year-olds like or dislike, do or don't do. He started out by telling them he would be spending more time in his room. He said he'd most likely start watching much less of channels like Sprout with them. He explained that he, instead, would be up for more mature fare, such as movies for 'Tweens like Jump In. He told them he might need some time to be alone or just hanging out with older friends. As he tells them these things, they pay rapt attention and hang on every… [more]

Assumptions About Birthmothers and Maintaining Adoption Privacy

January 15th, 2008
Categories: Privacy

Unfortunately, society has a stereotype about birthmothers, and that stereotype can be passed along to the adoptee. Because I adopted my son, most people assume that his birthmother had unmarried sex in her teens and was too poor to raise him herself. While this stereotype might apply to some birthmothers, there are numerous others who do not fit this profile. As a result, some people assume that all adopted children were a "product of sin" by being conceived out of the marital bed. This is not necessarily the case, and I do not want my son feeling tainted because somebody tells him that his conception was a "product of sin."

My son's birthmother does not fit the profile of a poor, unmarried teenager, but we have chosen… [more]

Protecting the Adopted Child’s Privacy

November 14th, 2007
Categories: Privacy

In my last post, Talking With Teacher About Child's Adoption, I talked about sharing the fact that my son was adopted with his teacher. In that post, I said that I do not view my son's adoption as a secret, but it is also not headline news.

Respecting an adopted child's privacy can be tricky because, while his adoption is his story, parts of his story are the adoptive parents' story, too. I went through the adoption process to become a mother, and I am paid to write about my experiences with adoption. So, how do I balance out respecting my son's privacy while, at the same time, discuss adoption as it applies to me?

Decide What You Will Not Share

Before my son was born, I… [more]

Who Owns The Story?

April 28th, 2006
Categories: Privacy

My daughters look so much alike but they have distinctly different temperaments and dispositions. My "baby" is a teeny tiny thing no bigger than a minute. She looks like a newborn pony on stilts. She is always the smallest one in her group of peers. She is feisty as all get out, takes no gruff, and is very demanding in her assessment of who qualifies as a friend in her life. My oldest daughter is of average size for her age. Although she fits right in with her friends, she often marches to the beat of her own drummer. Her life is like an open book. Everything she feels shows on her face from moment to moment. She wants to be everyone's friend and she is… [more]