Post Adoption Depression Syndrome (PADS)

September 1st, 2009

This is a very difficult post for me to write. I’ve felt strongly inclined to share my experiences with this topic, but at the same time, that doesn’t make it any easier for me to say the words. After Bear was born, I had a touch of what’s best defined as the “baby blues”. There were days that were rough, but for the most part, I just felt a little down. I was—and still am—blessed with a tremendous support team: my husband, my family and friends, an excellent OB and my amazing PCP. Postpartum Depression was very much a buzz word at the time of my experience with the “Baby Blues”; there was (and still is) little-to-no "shame factor" in admitting it or… [more]

On Attachment and Expectations

August 12th, 2009

When we ran the gamut of informative pre-adoption classes for prospective adoptive parents, there was a lot of discussion centered on one of the “buzz words” of adoption: attachment. Bonding, attachment, connection—you name it, we discussed it in practically every capacity. However, here’s where I admit I failed my pre-adoption prep work; I walked out of that class positively certain “attachment”—in any and all forms—would never be an issue. I mean, how could it? I dreamed of my baby girl night after night. I imagined her soft curls and toothy smiles—the same curls and smiles I admired in all the pictures we received from our agency, framed and located in almost every room of our house. Attached? I was more than attached. I was… [more]

What Is the Third Leading Cause of Death for Teenagers?

May 16th, 2008

What is the third leading cause of death for teenagers and young adults those from 15 to 24 years old? If you said suicide then you are correct. What causes teenagers or young adults with an unlimited future ahead of them to choose suicide over life? The number one cause of suicide in the United States is depression. If you suspect your child is suffering from depression, don’t wait. Seek medical help and therapy right away. A federal government survey released on May 13, says that over two million teenagers in the U.S. suffered from a period of serious depression over the past year. Nearly three times as many girls are affected by depression as boys. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

Am I Normal? A Guide for Teenagers

March 22nd, 2008

Chapter one covers an adoptee’s fantasies and curiosity about their birth family. Throughout the book, Danea reinforces the normalcy of a teenager’s feelings, emotions, and curiosity. She makes it very plain that everyone experiences these feelings, fantasies, and emotions at some time in their lives. She validates a teenager’s rights to feelings, whatever those feelings might be, and rights to information. She encourages journaling to help teenagers work through their feelings and track their progress. Danea states in the book that it is natural for an adopted teenager to “try to close the gaps by creating images in your mind to fit your story.” She says that teenagers may “try to fill in the missing pieces by acting in ways you imagine your birthparents would… [more]

Dealing with Rejection

April 17th, 2007
Categories: Rejection

I was reading this article about why toddlers reject their parents and I thought it brought up some really excellent points. Rejection is one of those things that no prospective adoptive parent wants to think about but its something you need to prepare yourself for .The one point that I liked about this article is that often the more you work on attachment the more your child may begin to reject you. It’s almost as if once the superficial niceness wears off and true reciprocation is required a new level of rejection occurs. This was not something I was prepared for. I think we all can understand the rejection that will occur in those first weeks together when everything is new… [more]

Rejection

October 18th, 2006
Categories: Rejection

Rejection: You can read about it and try to prepare yourself for it but nothing really prepares you for the feelings you have when your child rejects you. I totally expected our daughter to be shy & withdrawn on our orphanage visits and for the first few months. I expected to be rejected on some level; after all I was a complete stranger. I can remember my first meeting with my daughter like it was yesterday. This 14 month old child was placed in my arms… she was scared stiff. She rocked herself, was guarded and stoic. I remember those first days after she was officially ours spent in our tiny hotel room when she thrashed her body when I held her close… [more]

Dealing with rejection by your adopted child.

June 4th, 2006
Categories: Rejection

Although I always try to emphasize the positive adoption experience, I am well aware that a significant number of adoptions are fraught with complications. Often, one of the complications that I read and hear about is the overt rejection of one or both of the adoptive parents by the adopted child. There are anecdotal accounts that when this phenomenon occurs, the mother is more often rejected than the father. While many people may believe this would only be a problem with older adopted children, it is something that can and does happen with children who are as young as preschool age and toddlers, even. Whether older children show their rejection of an adoptive parent in overtly defiant ways, or in passive and subtle ways, the… [more]