Adoption Process

When an adopted child first comes into your home, the joy and excitement the little one brings is magical. There is nothing like that euphoria. You fall in love. However, when the child's health or behavioral challenges surface, an adoptive parent's imagination can easily drum up dark fears.   While a birth parent worries about the child's issues, as an adoptive parent, you may also worry about the issue plus the unknown or known history of the adoptee's background. You may even hear the haunting voice from a family or friend who was against your adoption, "Why adopt?  You don't know what that child has in her background." This is when you must stay strong. Separate the facts from fiction.  Your… [more]

It's Father's Day and across the country dads are opening up presents: ties, barbecue tools, car gadgets, the latest technological mechanism guaranteed to make their life easier.  Or perhaps they are going to spend the day on the golf course--after breakfast in bed, no doubt!  Whatever it is, I hope all dads get to celebrate. I've made this observation before, but it seems that the adoption literature is full of stories written by adoptive mothers.  We hear their voices and know their perspective.  No doubt it has to do with the fact that when it comes to adoption, often it is the woman who is the driving force. But what of adoptive fathers?  Who are these men who willingly go along with their wives… [more]

A little foresight can save you a lot of money sometimes. I think that concept is pretty true for most things, actually. In many ways, I feel I subscribe to this belief. I scour ads to compare big ticket items (as long as they're on sale, that is); I try to think of realistic value for every dollar spent. In adoption, I don't believe in the exact same principles. Sure, we compared agencies, but I didn't let the bottom dollar amount dictate our decision. Adoption can be, at times, quite costly. We wound up making a mistake in the process of adopting our third child that I'd like to share in hope that it will prevent others from doing the… [more]

Bella is my only first-hand experience with open adoption, and I'd like to share some of my thoughts on my experiences thus far. When we agreed to enter an open adoption, the decision wasn't a difficult one in the least; however, we were venturing out to uncharted territory for our family.  I remain in very loose contact with Bear's birth father, and we have absolutely no contact with either of Beauty's birth parents in Guatemala. So what did I (do I, really) know about open adoption? In a few words? Not much. Sure, I know all I've read, all the accounts I've followed so closely throughout the years through blogs, books, and so on. I consider myself reasonably educated in the area… [more]

"Why do we have to see a judge?" Bear asked for quite possibly the hundredth time. "A judge is someone who helps complete adoptions," my husband offered. "Oh," said Bear, clearly unimpressed. "But we get to go out to dinner after that, right?" Hey, you have to have priorities, no? While I think both of my 'older' children have a good grasp on and understanding of adoption, there are definitely details and components they just don't 'get'. They understand that a social worker helps get your family ready for a new baby; they understand that birth moms are a part of our family, too. They understand that adoption is a something that we celebrate in our family. They comprehend "a-days" and how they differ… [more]

I am slightly sleep deprived. Wait, let me back up. I have a new baby--a beautiful little girl--and I'm slightly sleep deprived. Sometimes life takes some unexpected turns. And sometimes the outcome of said unexpected turns is amazingly beautiful. As some of the more regular readers might recall, we were in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. Long story short, before we even started on compiling our dossier, we had a change of heart and decided to pursue an adoption through the foster care system. In the middle of December, we met with our new social worker (did I mention we needed a completely new home study even though we just had a favorable one approved in July? More on… [more]

"Adoption" means many things to many people. Two years ago today, I couldn't imagine how my world would change, how the power of one word could and would transform everything. Tomorrow isn't Beauty's birthday; it's not her "A-Day" in either Guatemala or the U.S. But it is one of the most special days of the year for me. Tomorrow marks the second anniversary of the day I met my daughter for the first time. I just finished baking her homecoming anniversary cake. It's pink, since that's her favorite color, with chocolate frosting and tons of sprinkles (she's a girl who loves her sprinkles, let me tell you). And I'm blissfully happy. I've been flipping through photo albums--all the… [more]

When you have kids, birthdays are suddenly a big deal. By birthdays, I mean the birthdays of your child(ren), not necessarily your own birthday. My pre-motherhood birthday celebrations usually involved going out with a bunch of my friends and my main squeeze, all dolled up for a night on the town. Once Bear came along and then Beauty, my birthdays became back seat occasions of my own choosing. But my kids’ birthdays are HUGE events in our home and in our family. It’s not to say we spend a fortune or throw amazingly lavish parties, but more so we just really celebrate our children, our family, our life. It’s incredible, and we really try to spend the day focused on the blessings we’ve received in our… [more]

When we ran the gamut of informative pre-adoption classes for prospective adoptive parents, there was a lot of discussion centered on one of the “buzz words” of adoption: attachment. Bonding, attachment, connection—you name it, we discussed it in practically every capacity. However, here’s where I admit I failed my pre-adoption prep work; I walked out of that class positively certain “attachment”—in any and all forms—would never be an issue. I mean, how could it? I dreamed of my baby girl night after night. I imagined her soft curls and toothy smiles—the same curls and smiles I admired in all the pictures we received from our agency, framed and located in almost every room of our house. Attached? I was more than attached. I was… [more]

At this very moment our son is in the middle of a very dramatic fit which, so far, has included begging, screaming, accusations, and the lovely "I'd be better off living in a dumpster." The rage that flows from this child is astonishing. Over the course of the weekend Z threw a record number of tantrums including one where he put his fist through his bedroom window. He is so angry and carries that anger with him every moment of every day. He is frustrated with his situation and he is afraid of what the future will bring. He cannot trust and he is fighting with all his might for control. Z has been through so much pain and so much uncertainty. He cannot self… [more]