My oldest daughter asked me that question tonight. We were coming home from the winter extravaganza at her school. She sings in the chorus. This was her first performance where she was all dressed up and on a stage. Well, that's not quite accurate. She has participated in all those cutesy-cutesy school programs over the years, but this was different. She is in The Chorus. They are a group. You know that clique thing that emerges in schools. The science kids. The music kids. The drama kids. The jocks. So forth and so on. She told me they call themsevles the... more

I have not had to deal with my children playing the adoption card in an argument, yet. I can tell you that I am none too eager for it to happen. I wonder if there is any way at all to avoid it? Is there anything that I or their father can do so that they will not "go there" in the middle of an otherwise typical parent-adolescent conflict? Are we loving them enough? Am I talking to them enough? Am I there for them, enough? I don't see any inkling at all of either of the girls feeling resentful about being adopted, or insecure about their status in the family, or uncertain about... more

A few weeks ago I wrote a post on the Older Adoptive Parent Blog about Bette Davis's quip on old age, "Old age ain't for sissies." I went on to say that older adoptive parenting wasn't for sissies either. Now that I think about it adoptive parenting ain't for sissies. Parenting ain't for sissies. Heck, life ain't for sissies! I am a big proponent of the "roll up your sleeves and figure it out" approach to even the toughest of situations in life. That works well for some people, not so well for others.

For the really tough stuff of adoptive parenting it... more

One of my favorite parenting rituals as an adoptive parent is the telling of The Story of how we became a family. I've written about this before, but, every time it comes up I always find it moving. My kids seem to enjoy repeating The Story, or, hearing about it from me when we are spending special time together. Take holidays and vacations for example. It is just a given that one of them will end up talking about how we became a family, or asking me to tell The Story during Thanksgiving and Christmas. It has become a part of our holiday ritual.

Also, I've noticed that it comes up when we are away together on vacation. That happened just this week when we took off for a short two... more

Yesterday, I wrote about my son's better than expected adjustment to our adoption of the girls. I was feeling pretty confident and rather smug about the way he seemed to work right through the kinks that came up in the initial phases.

I'm not particularly objective, but, I am rather impressed with how well our children get along with one another despite typical and sometimes intense sibling squabbles. When push comes to shove they watch out for one another and they take care of one another. At times it has required some prodding, but, in general my son has done a first rate job at being... more

Sometimes I'm surprised at how much adults expect young children to understand about adoption. There is little disagreement in the adoption community that the sooner a child is informed that he or she is adopted the better. But what is it that we think is "the better" about it?

There seems to be this misunderstanding that simply because young children can talk about "being adopted" they understand what it means. Those that don't believe a young child fully comprehends what it means, tend to still be equally misguided in believing that the young child's discussion about adoption indicates his level of comprehension about the matter is taking root and developing. Both assumptions... more