Many teenagers were adopted as infants and might be the only adopted child in the family. Therefore, they wouldn’t have a clue what their parents went through so many years ago to adopt. Danea explains it quite well. “From the time your parents decided to adopt you, their lives have been scrutinized, analyzed, and picked apart by total strangers. Their destiny, and yours, was at the mercy of these strangers who searched for flaws in their personalities, abilities, intellect, and potential parenting skills.” That is pretty much what our adoptive family has gone through... more

Are any of you familiar with a fabulous Christian speaker named Beth Moore? I was watching one of her videos that goes along with one of her Bible studies, and she was talking about an older child that she adopted. She shared that her adopted son had all sorts of issues, causing her to have to attend numerous conferences with school personnel. As the school personnel would rattle off issues, she would respond by saying things like, "Yes, I know he can be difficult…"

One day, the school called her in to talk with her about another behavioral issue.... more

It's Love Thursday again. My typical process of choosing the picture for Love Thursday is seeing which one jumps or pops out at me. This week I picked a picture that relates to some anxious attachment issues we have been facing. I can’t believe I’m posting a picture of myself with no makeup on… but its not like the photo a full close up or anything. So the recent Easter festivities have left me with a clingy and moody toddler daughter. She gets easily over stimulated with all the running around and excitement surrounding... more

7. Have him help with little kids – Not in a babysitting fashion, but present it as a “help me teach” situation. Most of our big kids missed out on little kid appropriate activities. However, my 15yr old son is not likely going to want to play Hi-Ho Cherry-O with me. However, if presented in a “help me teach” fashion, he will likely sit and play the game with me AND the 4yr old brother. This gives the boys time to interact and attach with each other – that’s the bonus. The real need met is allowing the... more

3. Lotion – Rub lotion or cream into the child’s hands. My favorite product for this is Mary Kay’s Satin Hands set. There are four separate products applied to the hands to make them really soft. This makes the hands REALLY soft – but also gives you four times longer to maintain hand-to-hand contact. (Think “holding hands”, on this less intense level.)

4. Pedicures – We bought a bubbling foot bath for about $30 at Target. At the time, it was just for fun, for mom. It’s been a great tool for working... more

Nearly all of my adopted children have come to me as older kids. Most were teenagers when they arrived, from disruptions, hurt and angry and incredibly resistant to trust. Nearly all had a RAD diagnosis on top of everything else.

With teenagers, there’s not much time with us before they are “grown ups”. For bonding and attachment, we have to work fast – but also have it appear slow, so as not to frighten the kids off too quickly, but allow THEM to choose when and how they will attach. I once told our therapist that our family seems to function... more

Top 10 favorite board games – by poll of my older adopted kids

Life (ugh…not also mom’s favorite, but the kids like it!) Any Cranium games Othello Mastermind Battleship Mancala Blokus Rummikub Uno Sequence Racko... more

10 Reasons why board games can be a great bonding tool with older kids:

Fun is the goal! There are times in our attachment attempts with older kids that we might get stuck in a rut of negativity. At these times, a “fun boost” is necessary to spark continued bonding. Again, the goal is to have fun. The goal is not to “complete a task”, show obedience or compliance, learn a skill that the child knows he is deficient in, etc. Without feeling these pressures, the child can adult can... more