Several readers have asked me to write about my experiences with growing up as an abused child and share ways that they, as adoptive parents, can help their abused adopted children heal from their pasts. This series on dissociative disorders should be enlightening to anyone who is parenting a child who has suffered trauma. I will share what a dissociative disorder is and what it feels like from the adopted child's perspective. I will also provide guidance for helping the child heal.

I know many adoptive parents who are raising traumatized children. One thing that... more

Over on the Reactive Attachment blog, Nancy wrote a post entitled Tantruming or purging? in which she described the way she helps her traumatized adopted children purge their painful emotions, including anger. In the comments, mater wrote the following:

The "Catharsis Hypothesis" was destroyed decades ago by researchers who found that encouraging people to act out their anger only made them 1.) angrier and 2.) more prone to act on that anger, i.e.... more

For the past several days, I have been discussing how to handle talking with an adopted child who was conceived through rape or incest. Several readers have contacted me with questions that I did not cover in this series, and I am working my way through answering those questions.

One reader asked the following question, which relates to the child's own rape rather than his birthmother's rape:

Are you going to cover rape/incest that happened... more

Most people probably think of “first” as being experienced by older children who are adopted internationally. Obviously, with coming to a new country, everything would be new, intriguing, and scary. Actually, the experience can be very similar for a foster child who has experienced extreme neglect. The foster child will experience many first, upon arriving to a new family.

Our daughter, Lyn, came to live with us a few weeks before her fourth birthday. In her birth home, she, her brother, and four sisters were rarely... more

There is much discussion over whether it’s more difficult to parent a child of neglect or a child from abuse. I have dealt with children with both a history of child neglect and child abuse. They are both challenging, but in many ways, the neglected child is more difficult.

Children learning bonding and trust within the first two years of life. This is done by their parents or primary caregivers responding to their needs. In the case of child abuse, the child’s needs are sometimes met, sometimes not met, and sometimes... more

When a child has selective mutism, it is generally evident only out of the home. When the child is home, he usually is able to use appropriate speech. So, how can we help our children who have a disorder that’s only evident when we aren’t around??

1. Remove the expectation and the pressure that the child will speak. Let your child know that you understand that he has difficulties. Offer understanding and support to him when he has difficult situations.

2. Don’t use punishment or bribery in attempts to persuade your child to speak. Knowing... more

What Is Selective Mutism?

Selective Mutism is a complex childhood anxiety disorder characterized by a child’s inability to speak in select social settings, such as school. These children understand language and are able to talk normally in settings where they are comfortable, secure and relaxed. (Selective Mutism Organization)

My daughter, Rose, was 4yrs old and in the district special education preschool. Her backpack contained a page of an... more

May 8th was Children’s Mental Health Day. Although that date has passed, we still have an opportunity to stop and acknowledge this enormous problem in our country. The entire month of May is dedicated as Mental Health Month.

According to the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation (CABF), more than one million children and teens suffer from bipolar disorder, and are among the estimated 50 million Americans who experience a mental health disorder in any... more

A previous blog lists some great parenting strategies for working with a child who has Opppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Here are more strategies to try.

5) Keep reminding yourself that this is NOT about you, the parent. This is about the child. Either his brain is not capable of making choices OR his past is keeping him in this spot in order to feel safe. Either way, this is about the child. Your job is to love him anyway.... more

Parenting a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is difficult. Here are some great strategies to try!

Here are some things to try:

1) Inject humor wherever and whenever possible!! I listed this as #1 because I feel it is more important than most any other idea you will ever hear on parenting difficult chidren. When people ask how I’m able to handle working with so many difficult children in my house, I always tell them that the KEY is to have fun!! An internet friend recently visited our home and remarked... more