When people try to conceive a baby, they hope and pray for a healthy child. In most cases, the expecting mother will make changes in her lifestyle, such as ceasing to smoke or drink and eating a more healthy diet, to increase the odds of giving birth to a healthy child. While taking these steps does not ensure a healthy baby, doing these things does lower the odds of having a baby with medical problems.

Contrast this with the experience of adopting a child. It is unusual to have the opportunity to adopt a child whose prenatal care or life before entering your... more

When hopeful adoptive couples are working through the home study process, they are asked to make numerous decisions, many of which have no connection to anything they have ever experienced. Being asked about levels of openness in adoption is a big area in which hopeful adoptive couples often feel like they are flying blind. Most hopeful adoptive couples do not know anyone with an open adoption, and open... more

Regrets are common after making big decisions, such as whether to move, where to live, or which job to take. Considering that adoption is a big decision, it stands to reason that some people will have regrets afterward.

You can feel adoption regret in a number of ways. For example, you might regret making compromises about the level of contact to which you agreed upon with your child's birthmother. You might have agreed to more contact than you really wanted because you had the opportunity to adopt a baby now, and after the dust has settled, you realize... more

One of my biggest frustrations in my day-to-day life is being surrounded by people who live their lives at 60 miles per hour. This phenomenon is certainly not limited to adoptive parents. However, as adoptive parents, I believe it is even more important that we learn how to slow down and then teach this skill to our children. We were not entrusted with our children to clutter their lives with activities and “stuff”: We were chosen so we could connect with, love, and cherish our children.

I do not know why Western society has become so obsessed with... more

Many adoptive parents struggle with feeling pressured to be a “perfect” adoptive parent. The adoptive home study does not help because it makes a hopeful adoptive parent feel like he has to prove that he will be perfect.

Unfortunately, our human condition makes this an impossible goal, which only sets us up for failure. No matter how hard you try, you will never be a “perfect” parent. You are going to yell at your child when you should not. You are going to make the wrong decision on a day when you are already feeling stressed out about other things that are going on... more

Tell me I’m not the first person to have gained weight while having a child! Sure, most birth mothers gain weight during a pregnancy. How about us adoptive mothers? I think that “baby weight gain” is something that, at times, plagues adoptive mothers also.

I have three birth children. I was extremely ill during pregnancies and actually lost weight rather than gained. With each child, after the birth, I put on weight. My birth baby recently turned 10yrs old and I still joke that my problem is “just baby weight”. What about with adoption, then?

As... more

As discussed in another blog, it is extremely important for our children that their moms and dads use a team approach in parenting them. This includes current parents, previous parents and birth parents if still actively involved in the child’s life. Children have a finely tuned ability to notice any “weak spots” in the team parenting, hone in on those, and use them to “conquer and divide” or to cause dissension among the adults. This seems especially true with adopted children,... more

Mom and Dad. Both parents to the same child. But, are they parenting as a team? Are they partners? (For purpose of this blog, it is assumed that the parents are married. Of course, there are other situations. Hopefully, you can find yourself in this blog, even if not your same situation.)

I think all of us want to be parenting partners with our spouse. Even when our spouse also wants to be a parenting partner, does it always seem like it’s working out the way you’d planned?

Often, I find that my husband and I, while in the same house... more

So how does a toddler Mom find the time to manage two blogs? I admit that before my fantastic hubby got me this handy laptop I was blogging only at naptimes and getting all my posts for the following week ready on Sunday mornings when my husband would watch Livi. I try not to blog on the weekends because weekends are for family time. Prior to getting my great laptop, I did not have a lot of time to be at the computer since it is in our formal living room and even if I would bring toys in there for Livi to occupy herself, she would still be getting... more

I don’t think enough is said about post adoption depression. I think many pre-adoptive parents think it won’t happen to them. I was one of those who wanted a child so badly that I never considered an adjustment period. I could never imagine myself anything but blissfully happy as a new mom. I dismissed any notion and was not willing to consider it. I think other adoptive parents suffer silently out of shame and fear. I typically will only speak for myself in most situations but today I speak for the new Mom that suffers in silence.

After all we have... more