All of my adopted children have entered our home after horrible experiences in other foster or adoptive families. Many of these experiences were due to poor behavior of the child. As I’ve come to know, love, and work with my kids, I’ve discovered that a root of the problem is the child’s absolute surety that he is unlovable.

Nearly every action I take with my kids is designed to show them that they are worth something, worth a lot even. I do all I can to show them that they ARE lovable and that they ARE worth loving. It’s a tough lesson... more

In our first year home we have made great strides in Attachment. I admit to thinking in the early days that at xyz months home that we would be fixed or in the clear so to speak. I admit to thinking that my daughter escaped Orphanage life unscathed with very few battle wounds. I was naive in my thinking in so many ways and have since come to view our daughter’s attachment as a process that will take an indefinite amount of time. She has wounds that are present; some are invisible to the naked eye. Some wounds may not crop up until a later date.... more

My daughter loves looking at the scrapbook I created of Our Adoption Journey… It starts with a infant picture I got off the Russian Database. Then it has her in the baby home, with her little friends and pictures taken between trips by her caregivers and then it shows us meeting her, picking her up, her on the plane ride home and then life at home. I often wonder how I will tell the details of the story that are difficult. I have not figured it out nor have I shared them with her but I better figure something out soon.

Telling her story in... more

When families come to me asking for help with a troubled adoption, the first thing I always want to talk to them about is whether or not they have been able to use respite care.

Most of the time, I get back one of two answers. Either they hadn’t ever heard of the idea of respite care or they didn’t know how to find or use respite.

I’ve found that, properly found and used, respite can really save the sanity of adoptive parents. In some cases, having the resource can even help to save a very troubled adoption. I used to run a support group... more

I'd been planning to take my kids out to see this new Disney animated movie that came out today, not really knowing much at all about the plot. Instead, earlier today, I read our newspaper's review article about the movie. It was then I realized the huge role that adoption and adoption issues seem to play in the movie. I'm not sure that many of my children could really handle some of these ideas. Interestingly enough, it's my teens that I'm more concerned about there than my younger children. Without having seen it first, I don't feel terribly comfortable... more

1) Everyone needs to wear their OWN underwear. From now on, you get in trouble for wearing other people’s chonies.

2) Honey, stop by the pet store for a urine odor removal product (for our child). Be sure to get a product for cats. (Sad that I should know this.)

3) Did you say I’m not your “real” mom? Oh! I get it! You mean I’m not your vagina mom!

4) I see that you like the word ‘a**h***. Because I’m a good mom, I want you to be best at that word. You may bring a new fact about the anus to the table every night for the whole... more

I recently found out about an excellent respite center close to my home. Like many great services I learned by word of mouth. Two Moms’ I met at a playgroup both mentioned this center to me asking me if I took Livi. The whole thing sounded like heaven to me. It’s like the universe was pointing me in the right direction just when cabin fever and the terrible twos where taking a toll on me. Whenever I get hints like that… several people just coincidently mentioning the very same program I take that as a big hint. They explained the program to me. They... more

This can easily be both the easiest and hardest part of adopting a child into a family that already has other children. “Adoption means you’re part of our family.” Yep, it’s both easy and hard to explain.

Our first adopted child was first our foster child, with a return home plan. The case plan for these two children changed gradually and so we were able to present these changes to all of the children as they happened. First, they understood that the children were staying with us, so that we could take care of them because their mommy and daddy... more

So, the children seem to have a good understanding of what foster care is. What happens if that plan changes to adoption? What happens and how do we explain to the children that they won’t be returning to live with their parents?

First, it needs to be explained to the foster child. In an ideal world, it would be the birth parents who explain this to their child. In a “less than ideal, but still somewhat okay” world, it would be the child’s therapist with whom the foster child has an established relationship. Even further down the chain of “best... more

Most foster families already have one or more other children in their home when they accept placement of a foster child. How do you explain the concept of foster care and foster children to your other kids?

At our house, it hasn’t been a huge issue. I suppose it’s because our children were very young when we began foster care. We had 3 birth children, ages 7, 4, and 17mos. We also were parenting a niece, age 3. We had been raising our niece since she was three months old, so having that situation be a normal part of our family situation almost surely... more