If your adopted child was conceived through rape or incest, should you tell him? Many people argue that an adopted child should never be told this information. Here are the reasons why:

1. This knowledge can affect your child’s self-esteem.

It is a struggle for many teenagers to feel good about themselves. Between their raging hormones and all of the angst that comes along with the teen years, many teenagers struggle with their self-esteem. A child’s adoption adds another... more

If you choose to tell your adopted child that he was conceived through rape or incest, you will need to proceed with caution. This kind of information has the ability to set off an emotional explosion for your adopted child. Before discussing this information, consider the following issues:

1. Decide when to tell your child this information.

Rape and incest are difficult topics for adults to discuss, and they are even more complicated to discuss with a child. This is not information... more

If your adopted child was conceived through rape or incest, should you tell him? Many people argue that an adopted child is entitled to know this information. Here are the reasons why:

1. An adoptee’s history is his own.

Many people argue that an adoptee is entitled to know the truth about his own life. No matter how ugly the truth might be, an adoptee’s right to know the truth outweighs well-meaning secrets. Nobody likes to feel like everyone around him knows more about his own history... more

One of the most controversial areas of adoption is the decision of whether to tell an adopted child that he was conceived as the product of rape or incest. Many people feel very strongly one way or the other, and each side of this issue makes some very good points. I do not have the answers for whether it is better for an adopted child to know this information about his beginnings. However, I can offer you a discussion about both sides of the issue and then let you draw your own conclusions.

I have combined the... more

As I posted in Protecting Adopted Child from the Media, I really dislike it when the media goes out of its way to point out that a child was adopted when the child’s adoption is irrelevant to the story. As an example, I pointed out how frequently the media reminds us that Tom and Nichole adopted their children. My son is just my son. Yes, he joined my family through adoption, but his adoption does not define who he is.

I happen... more

When I was waiting to adopt, I remember reading that adoptive parents should never use abandonment as a form of punishment for an adopted child. Unfortunately, I cannot remember where I read this, but I remember the author saying that an adopted child is more likely to react with a much stronger fear of abandonment than a child who was not adopted. Personally, I cannot imagine threatening to abandon my child, no matter how he joined my family, but I thought this observation was an interesting... more

As a parent, there are many things in the media from which I want to shield my child. As a parent of an adopted child, that list only gets longer. Because my adopted child is only six years old, the job has not been too difficult thus far. However, as he gets older, I shudder to think of how my son will be affected by the inaccurate and negative ways that the media portrays adoption.

Even though my son is only six, I have already had to make the decision about whether to let him see the movie Meet the Robinsons.... more

In my post What if Your Adopted Child Really was “Unwanted”?, I received a very sad comment from OwensMama about her situation. Her 3-1/2 year old adopted child’s birthmother did not want him, and OwensMama is agonizing over how to talk with him about this as he grows.

Here is part of OwensMama’s comment:

[The adoption] paperwork contains a direct written sentence from his... more

In my post Reassuring the “Unwanted” Adopted Child, I shared that my son believed his birthmother placed him for adoption because she did not want him. This could not be farther from the truth. However, as John pointed out in the comments, there are adopted children whose birthmothers truly did not want them. How do you help an adopted child to cope with this level of rejection?

I posted about my... more

One challenge in adoptive parenting is looking different from your adopted child. Whether your adopted child was born across the world or across the street, he might have very different physical features than you do. Even though the differences might not matter to you, other people will notice them and sometimes comment on them.

One change that has made the differences a little easier is an increase in transracial biological families. One of my good friends is Caucasian and married a man from India. Their child... more