We had a semi-open adoption with our son's birthmother, T. We sent her pictures and letters every other month for the first year of my son's life, and then we cut back to sending the packages twice a year at Christmas and Mother's Day through the adoption agency. She chose to keep the communication one-way.

During the first couple of years, the social worker would call T to let her know that a package had arrived. That social worker left the agency, so I had to remind the agency each time to continue... more

I was reading an article about international adoption in a magazine, looking for ideas to blog about on my Hoping to Adopt blog. I skimmed through the article but did not see anything that piqued my interest: Most of what was said has been said numerous times before (and better, in my possibly biased opinion) by Sandra on the International Adoption blog and Erin on the Transracial Adoption... more

With the holidays rapidly approaching, I am starting to think about what I am going to write to my son's birthmother this year. We have a semi-open adoption, and I write her a letter and send her pictures each year at Christmas.

It takes me a while to put the package together because I want to give her a good sampling of my son's life throughout the past year. That takes some time. I sort through all of the photographs I have taken over the past year and choose some from... more

In my last post, Talking With Teacher About Child's Adoption, I talked about sharing the fact that my son was adopted with his teacher. In that post, I said that I do not view my son's adoption as a secret, but it is also not headline news.

Respecting an adopted child's privacy can be tricky because, while his adoption is his story, parts of his story are the adoptive parents' story, too. I went through the adoption process to become a mother, and I am paid to... more

One issue that continues to rear its ugly head with my adopted child is the "real mom" comments. I have posted about this a couple of times before (see Related Topics below). Each time I think I have handled it, my son says it again: "You are not my real mom." Here is the most recent episode ...

My friend and I took our children to the park. Our children (ages 6 and 7) were swinging on the swing set and talking in an animated fashion. My son got off the swing and ran across the playground. When he did, his friend yelled out, "Faith is not your real mom." My son did not... more

I want my adopted child to know that he can ask me anything about his adoption. As his mother, I am in the best position to know what to say and how to say it so that my adopted child can understand his adoption in the best possible way. However, I am not the person he is going to turn to if he perceives that I am uncomfortable with talking about his adoption. How can we, as adoptive parents, make ourselves approachable on this subject?

For me, talking about adoption with my kid is similar to talking with him about sex. Yes, both topics can be uncomfortable... more

When I was researching related topics for my last post, Different Personality from Adopted Child, I came across Kelly’s post Nature vs. Nurture- This Mom's view on the Foster Adoption blog. Kelly’s adopted child, Sammy, has a birthmother who has committed several crimes, and Sammy has been struggling as well. In her post, Kelly says -

Which makes... more

My adopted child has a very different personality from what I expected. When I envisioned what my child would be like, I thought about how I was as a child. I was shy, and I would sit quietly for hours reading a book or watching television. My adopted child could not be more different from this.

My son is quite the outdoorsman. He loves to ride his bike and to play in water. He is very loud and boisterous. He is happiest when he is frolicking outside, no matter what the weather.

From what I understand, my son comes by these traits honestly.... more

My son’s adoption is a semi-open one. Unfortunately, his birthmother moved without leaving a forwarding address, so his adoption is now effectively closed. However, even without contact, there are still ways that I can encourage my son to see his birthmother in a positive light.

Before I get into the “how to’s,” let me share something my son said to me about his birthmother recently. He crawled into my bed to wake me up. I leaned over him and gave him a butterfly kiss. He asked what a butterfly kiss was and then made the following comment:

When I was first... more

Over my last couple of posts, Speaking Ill of Adopted Child’s Birthparents and Helping Adopted Child Understand Abusive Birthparents, I have shared some of the factors that helped me to make peace with my own abuse history. I am hoping that you, as adoptive parents, can use my experience to help guide your adopted child toward finding the same peace.... more