It was bound to happen. We can all pretend that racism is a thing of the past, yet we know in our hearts that it isn’t. We were told during transracial adoption training that it would happen and that we needed to prepare our children for it. Of course, we didn’t think it would really happen to us. It may be especially difficult for those of us raised in Midwest, middleclass, suburbia to accept. We were never exposed to racism growing up because we weren’t exposed to people of other races enough to say so. My high school had three blacks in attendance and two of them were actually... more

It is that time of year again already. The months seem to fly by and six months comes so quickly. Our adoption agency has requested that we send an update semi-annually for the first five years, then once a year. It is hard to believe that our beautiful daughter is one and a half already. I want to tell her birthmother so much about her in each update letter because we are so proud of her. It is tempting to send many photos because she is so cute and photogenic. What holds me back from doing it then? We currently have a closed adoption because that was her birthmother’s choice.... more

Many adoptees wished they had waited until they were more mature before searching for their birth parents. Comments like, I would have handled it so much better if I had waited were common. However, as individuals, we all do what we feel we must, when we feel we must. If a teenager is so obsessed with meeting birthparents that he or she cannot concentrate on anything else then it might not be possible to wait. If thoughts of birthparents are becoming so constant that, they are beginning to disrupt your other relationships, then searching immediately... more

Many teenagers were adopted as infants and might be the only adopted child in the family. Therefore, they wouldn’t have a clue what their parents went through so many years ago to adopt. Danea explains it quite well. “From the time your parents decided to adopt you, their lives have been scrutinized, analyzed, and picked apart by total strangers. Their destiny, and yours, was at the mercy of these strangers who searched for flaws in their personalities, abilities, intellect, and potential parenting skills.” That is pretty much what our adoptive family has gone through... more

Chapter one covers an adoptee’s fantasies and curiosity about their birth family. Throughout the book, Danea reinforces the normalcy of a teenager’s feelings, emotions, and curiosity. She makes it very plain that everyone experiences these feelings, fantasies, and emotions at some time in their lives. She validates a teenager’s rights to feelings, whatever those feelings might be, and rights to information. She encourages journaling to help teenagers work through their feelings and track their progress.

Danea states in the book that it is natural for... more

One of my adult adoptee friends was always curious about her birth name. She was not a newborn when she was adopted, but she was a baby, so I guess she suspected that she might have a different name on her original birth certificate. Her adoptive mother did not want to share that information with her, and this turned into a difficult situation. Ultimately, my friend did learn what her birth name was but never asked to be called that name.

I wonder if the reason the adoptive mother was so opposed to letting her child know her birth name was because she feared... more

On my post, Which Behaviors are Adoption-Related and Which are Not?, Lisa, our Guatemala Adoption blogger, left the following comment:

Sensitivity in humans varies of course, but I truly believe that the separation from their birth mother, and later from their foster mother (as in children from Guatemala) is a trauma our children never get over. Our love and consistency will help them learn... more

Unfortunately, society has a stereotype about birthmothers, and that stereotype can be passed along to the adoptee. Because I adopted my son, most people assume that his birthmother had unmarried sex in her teens and was too poor to raise him herself. While this stereotype might apply to some birthmothers, there are numerous others who do not fit this profile. As a result, some people assume that all adopted children were a "product of sin" by being conceived out of the marital bed. This is not necessarily the case, and I do not want my son feeling tainted... more

I heard a sad story about a teenage adoptee who is having a hard time coming to grips with having been abandoned as a child. Unfortunately, that is the history of many adopted children, particularly in poor or overpopulated countries where leaving the baby abandoned is the cultural way of relinquishing parental rights. We even have this happening in the United States through the safe haven laws, which allow birthmothers to "abandon" their babies in specific places and immediately relinquish their... more

My son was watching a cartoon the other day, and I was surprised to hear the word "adoption" used. I watched the show for a couple of minutes to figure out the context and whether this might be something we needed to discuss further.

From what I could gather, a boy was returning his imaginary friend to a place where imaginary friends are "adopted" by children who want them. I did not follow why he placed his imaginary friend there, but he was clear that he planned to come back for him. The person in charge of the imaginary friend place said that... more