"The girls are adopted. That is their life. I can't make it be something that it's not. It is what it is." I have made this comment, or something like it, at various times since adopting the girls. It intended to end some discussion or another related to adoption that has begun to make me feel uneasy, or irritated, or just plain stupid. So when I say, "It is what it is," I don't even know what I really mean by that. I just know that when I say it, other people nod sagely in agreement, and shut up.

When people ask me how do I think my daughters feel about being adopted,... more

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post on adopted children who reject their adoptive parents. I just now ran across this article that I wish I had included in that post. I don't know that the content is particularly earth shattering, but it is informative. One of the statements gave me pause:

When my husband and I adopted our children in the state of Massachusetts through the Department of Social Services, one of the many morsels of advice given to the pre-adoptive parent(s) is that you must not expect instant... more

What does it mean to be ready to adopt? Is there some secret checklist that parents who are considering adoption keep in their heads and privately review? Are there any critical questions that you should ask yourself before you begin the adoption process?

I love this piece written by Barbara Holton. Here are just a few reasons that some people may give for considering adoption along with Ms. Holton's responses:

I want a playmate for my birthchild. Hire a neighbor's child.... more

One of the things we know for certain is that there are no guarantees in life. When biological parents give birth to their children, there are no guarantees of what life will be like for the child or for the family. The same applies to adopted children. Adoptive parents go into adoption expecting a positive and happy outcome. Much of the time that is exactly what they get. Sometimes it is not. Adoption plans can fall apart for many reasons. When an adoption is not yet finalized and it is determined that the parents are not going to move forward with their plans to adopt it is called... more

Although I always try to emphasize the positive adoption experience, I am well aware that a significant number of adoptions are fraught with complications. Often, one of the complications that I read and hear about is the overt rejection of one or both of the adoptive parents by the adopted child. There are anecdotal accounts that when this phenomenon occurs, the mother is more often rejected than the father. While many people may believe this would only be a problem with older adopted children, it is something that can and does happen with children who are as young as preschool... more

I have not had to deal with my children playing the adoption card in an argument, yet. I can tell you that I am none too eager for it to happen. I wonder if there is any way at all to avoid it? Is there anything that I or their father can do so that they will not "go there" in the middle of an otherwise typical parent-adolescent conflict? Are we loving them enough? Am I talking to them enough? Am I there for them, enough? I don't see any inkling at all of either of the girls feeling resentful about being adopted, or insecure about their status in the family, or uncertain about... more

All right. Now I'm really bummed. I knew that I would be. Surfing the internet I came across several sites purporting to discuss Adopted Child Syndrome. Why did I even bother? Me, with my can't we focus on the positive attitude. What was I thinking? I guess it was like the proverbial train wreck on the side of the road that I simply could not force myself to look away from. Too bad for me. And now, too bad for you too. I sat there fuming while I read the information on a couple of these sites...sorry, but you'll have to self-inject your poison and ferret out these sites by searching... more

A few weeks ago I wrote a post on the Older Adoptive Parent Blog about Bette Davis's quip on old age, "Old age ain't for sissies." I went on to say that older adoptive parenting wasn't for sissies either. Now that I think about it adoptive parenting ain't for sissies. Parenting ain't for sissies. Heck, life ain't for sissies! I am a big proponent of the "roll up your sleeves and figure it out" approach to even the toughest of situations in life. That works well for some people, not so well for others.

For the really tough stuff of adoptive parenting it... more

I have been trying to work up my courage to go purchase and read a book that I've been hearing a lot about lately, "The Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler. NPR describes Fessler's book this way on their site:

Using her own story of adoption as a basis for her book, Fessler tells the story of over a million women who surrendered children for adoption prior to legalized abortion.

The focus of Fessler's book is on the heartbreak of adoptions that are coerced. I don't think this is a book I would have even considered reading before I began to write my blog for AdoptionBlogs.com and as a result, also, was exposed to so many different viewpoints on... more

Wow. Who knew how much blogging fodder a little white mouse could generate? Our editor sent me this link to an article she wrote about Stuart Little a while back. If you followed my two posts on the movie then you know my saga and how this all relates. If not, I don't want to give it away so I'll encourage you to skip on over to my blog and read all about it. It's entertaining if nothing else, at least I think it is.

We are so funny as parents, aren't... more