The girls are adopted. That is their life. I can't make it be something that it's not. It is what it is." I have made this comment, or something like it, at various times since adopting the girls. It intended to end some discussion or another related to adoption that has begun to make me feel uneasy, or irritated, or just plain stupid. So when I say, "It is what it is," I don't even know what I really mean by that. I just know that when I say it, other people nod sagely in agreement, and shut up.

When people ask me how do I think my daughters feel about... more

Continued from previous post.

Some young girls from the era covered in Fessler's book who became pregnant found the voice to say no to the social forces that were pressing in on them to go away, hide, and surrender their children. They married, or had back alley abortions, or raised their children alone. They chose their own path instead of the one society was hellbent on placing them on. But, were their lives any less challenging than the girls who went away? Didn't... more

As I wrote in my previous post, I am on page 100 of The Girls Who Went Away. My response to what I have read so far has been surprisingly muted. Keep in mind that it is all relative. I can be a bit of a drama queen and can really work myself up into a manic frenzy of emotion with surprising efficiency. Umm, it's a minor character flaw that I have learned to self-monitor and self-regulate with equal efficiency.

When I wrote that I would have to work up the courage to read The Book as I like to call it, I said that I knew I would... more

I’m following up my first post on this subject because there is more I wanted to tell you about the transition in languages and how we helped Livi. We changed our daughter’s name. If she had been much older we don’t know that we would had changed it at all. We felt she was young enough at 16 months old to handle the change. I had my heart set on a certain name so we decided to change it. On our visits during trip one we called her by her birth name. It was shortened to a nickname by the Orphanage staff and we called her by that name. On trip two we called her... more

This is the end of My frequently asked questions series. This one always threw me for a loop. Does she speak Russian? Our daughter was 14 months at referral and 16 months old when we brought her home. I remember calling to make a pediatrician appt prior to bringing our daughter home. The nurse said “ well the doctor doesn’t speak Russian” I was flabbergasted. I explained that I did not need him to speak to her in Russian. She is only 16 months old. I simply needed him to examine her and give her a check up. If I remember right most homegrown 16 months old are not speaking in full sentences yet.

The average 16 month old knows how to say 5 words besides Mom & Dad. I guess I can see... more

Frequently Asked Questions week:

When people find out that our daughter is adopted they usually have the same questions.The one that always surprises me is will you tell her she is adopted? Or Does she know she is adopted? I guess these come as a surprise to me because I can’t imagine an adoption being kept a secret. I know in the past this was the case. But in this day & age I cant imagine someone not knowing they are adopted. How we became a family is such a special story. I don’t point out that she is adopted but I don’t hide... more

I remember while in Russia and going through all the uncertainty of court, the 10-days not being waived, visiting our daughter and still feeling on shakey ground not really knowing what the heck was going on. Another couple traveling with us had housing/ lease issues with court and they were put through the wringer. I would sit with the woman and we would both be in tears saying “ never again” that we would never go through this again as its just such an emotional ride.

Always feeling under the microscope, having every detail of your existence... more

Frequently Asked Questions week

A rather outspoken member of my family said that I was wrong to adopt from Russia with so many needy children in “ Our own backyard” Many people asked why Russia? Our story has less to do with why we decided to adopt from Russia and more about why we decided against a domestic adoption. I think people make assumptions about both routes and each has its negatives & positives. I don’t see one as better than the other.Adoption is all about Love. In the end a child gets a loving family.

People choose the route that... more

All this week I decided to address frequently asked adoption questions. I have some posts saved up for future use and doing theme type weeks now & then helps me to organize them and hopefully make this blog easier to read.I would love to learn more about you.. my blog readers. Which I suspect is just my Mom,Inlaws,my cousin,some loyal friends, fellow bloggers and My Hubby checking this blog 200 times a day. Have you adopted?Are you adopting? thinking about it? are you a friend or family member of someone who is going through the process?... more

You can click on the links below for parts one and two of my keynote address that I delivered at an adoption celebration luncheon last week. My apologies that I am posting it in bits and pieces. Perhaps at some point i will post it in its entirety. We'll see

Part I

Part II

Part III:

So, I am not going to give you a rah-rah speech about your decision... more