Sucking the air outI would like to address a comment made on a blog that I wrote on July 2, 2008 entitled “Place Older Adopted Children With Stay at Home Parent.” In that blog, I stated that older adopted children typically come to their new family with abandonment issues. I realize there are many other issues involved, but I am addressing just abandonment for now. In the summary of the article I stated, “Try to find a way to spend those first... more

One of the criticisms I’ve heard within the adoptive parent portion of the triad, is that open adoptions are “confusing” to the child somehow. For example:

* Having two mommies and/or two daddies * Along with the above, which is the “real” parent? * Birth parents will want to “co-parent” and thus “diminish” the authority of the adoptive parent

We have an open adoption. We routinely send pictures to our children’s birth family. We talk to them on the phone. We mark special occasions with cards, presents, and/or calls. We send... more

Awhile ago, I posted a little something about keeping what’s important to birth families. It had to do with a conversation we had with our children’s birth mother about having the kids continue with swimming, as she had been a competitive swimmer. A couple of weeks ago, I posted a follow-up, now that summer is here and the kids are actually in swimming, and how it was an... more

If you are trying to adopt a newborn then you create a profile of your family. The purpose is to sell your family as the best choice to a potential birthmother. If you are adopting from foster care then you are trying to sell your family to an adoption worker. When you inquire on an available child over the internet, a form pops up and you must fill in information about your family. The worker may only read the first few lines before deciding to finish reading or toss the application in the circular file. Is there anything you can do to increase... more

My oldest turns 10 this week – Double Digits. In anticipation, he's been educating the two youngest on the Intricacies of Being a 'Tween. Every morning you'll find him coming up with new “rules” or facts about what 10-year-olds like or dislike, do or don't do.

He started out by telling them he would be spending more time in his room. He said he'd most likely start watching much less of channels like Sprout with them. He explained that he, instead, would be up for more mature fare, such as movies for 'Tweens like Jump In.

He told them he might... more

I’m often asked about our open adoption. People are amazed that our kids are happily in contact with their birth family. I think the surprise comes from several sources:

Children are placed for adoption for a variety of reasons: The underlying assumption many (erroneously) make is that children are placed for adoption because something is “wrong” in the family of origin. People routinely believe that one or both of the birth parents are involved in something unsavory. In fact, the first question I usually hear is, “What’s wrong with the mother?” Or... more

Last month, I blogged about enrolling my children in swim classes to honor a hope expressed by the children’s birth mother.

Today, the children finished their first two-week session of the summer. They are enrolled in four two-week sessions altogether. They received certificates and the two youngest passed all of their requirements for the next level. As mentioned, my oldest has never really been comfortable in water, so whereas he didn’t pass to the next level... more

All children go through emotional growth periods where they seem to have a deeper understanding of the world around them and their place in it. You can see it when your toddler begins to feel safe in playing 10 feet away, and then in the next room. Adopted children go through these emotional growth periods in their understanding of their adoption, and what the adoption means to them personally. In an open adoption, you may begin talking about birthparents, and visiting them as you leave the hospital. A toddler cannot completely understand about adoption or birthparents. However,... more

What is the third leading cause of death for teenagers and young adults those from 15 to 24 years old? If you said suicide then you are correct. What causes teenagers or young adults with an unlimited future ahead of them to choose suicide over life? The number one cause of suicide in the United States is depression. If you suspect your child is suffering from depression, don’t wait. Seek medical help and therapy right away. A federal government survey released on May 13, says that over two million teenagers... more

A new study found that children who were exclusively breastfed for at least the first three months of life scored about six points higher on IQ tests at six years old then those who were bottle fed or partially bottle fed. As an adoptive parent, do you feel a twinge of guilt when you hear about this type of study? Yes, it is possible to breastfeed adopted babies for some people who are able to plan a few months in advance. However, it takes a lot of effort, doesn’t always work, and if the birthmother... more