It is that time of year again already. The months seem to fly by and six months comes so quickly. Our adoption agency has requested that we send an update semi-annually for the first five years, then once a year. It is hard to believe that our beautiful daughter is one and a half already. I want to tell her birthmother so much about her in each update letter because we are so proud of her. It is tempting to send many photos because she is so cute and photogenic. What holds me back from doing it then? We currently have a closed adoption because that was her birthmother’s choice.... more

Many adoptees wished they had waited until they were more mature before searching for their birth parents. Comments like, I would have handled it so much better if I had waited were common. However, as individuals, we all do what we feel we must, when we feel we must. If a teenager is so obsessed with meeting birthparents that he or she cannot concentrate on anything else then it might not be possible to wait. If thoughts of birthparents are becoming so constant that, they are beginning to disrupt your other relationships, then searching immediately... more

Author Patricia Dischler is a birthmother who is dedicated to improving the lives of children, including adopted children. She has added me to the distribution list for her electronic newsletter, KIDSAKE, which is very informative. She has such a way with words, and her love for children shines through her writing.

In the December 2007 issue of her newsletter, she talks about how she and her birthson's adoptive mother worked together to make their open adoption successful. Here is how she defines... more

In my post, Adoption Regrets: Level of Openness, I talked about the importance of following through on the promises you made to the birthfamily before entering into the adoption. I ended that post with the following advice:

Try to make the best of your situation and focus on the reasons you chose the arrangement in the first place. Those reasons still exist. Even if you do not now believe it is the best situation for your family, it is what it... more

My six-year-old son had several questions about his birthmother over the summer, and he still continues to pepper me with questions about her, usually when I least expect it. However, he has never raised the topic of a birthfather. I guess I should not be too surprised because, at six, he has not had many questions about where babies come from. I guess he figures that they come from birthmothers!

I am not even sure that he realizes that a birthfather had to be involved to create him. When asked how babies get into a woman's body, I have told him that a married... more

As an adoptive parent, you might struggle with feelings of anger toward your child's birthparent. If your child's birthparent abused or neglected your child, you might feel very angry about the damage that the abuse or neglect inflicted upon your child. Also, if you adopted a child whose birthmother's prenatal choices resulted in physical damage to the child's body, you might feel angry toward the birthmother.

It is normal for an adoptive parent to feel angry about having to deal with the aftermath of bad choices that a birthparent made that damaged a child.... more

In my last post, Semi-open Adoption: When Birthparents Walk Away, I shared that my son's birthmother, T, chose to close our adoption when my son was four years old. She did this passively by moving without leaving a forwarding address. Our agency will not try to track her down because she knows how to reach them if she chooses to start receiving pictures and letters of her birthchild again.

One issue I wrestled with was what to tell my son about this.... more

We had a semi-open adoption with our son's birthmother, T. We sent her pictures and letters every other month for the first year of my son's life, and then we cut back to sending the packages twice a year at Christmas and Mother's Day through the adoption agency. She chose to keep the communication one-way.

During the first couple of years, the social worker would call T to let her know that a package had arrived. That social worker left the agency, so I had to remind the agency each time to continue... more

With the holidays rapidly approaching, I am starting to think about what I am going to write to my son's birthmother this year. We have a semi-open adoption, and I write her a letter and send her pictures each year at Christmas.

It takes me a while to put the package together because I want to give her a good sampling of my son's life throughout the past year. That takes some time. I sort through all of the photographs I have taken over the past year and choose some from... more

My son’s adoption is a semi-open one. Unfortunately, his birthmother moved without leaving a forwarding address, so his adoption is now effectively closed. However, even without contact, there are still ways that I can encourage my son to see his birthmother in a positive light.

Before I get into the “how to’s,” let me share something my son said to me about his birthmother recently. He crawled into my bed to wake me up. I leaned over him and gave him a butterfly kiss. He asked what a butterfly kiss was and then made the following comment:

When I was first... more