One of the criticisms I’ve heard within the adoptive parent portion of the triad, is that open adoptions are “confusing” to the child somehow. For example:

* Having two mommies and/or two daddies * Along with the above, which is the “real” parent? * Birth parents will want to “co-parent” and thus “diminish” the authority of the adoptive parent

We have an open adoption. We routinely send pictures to our children’s birth family. We talk to them on the phone. We mark special occasions with cards, presents, and/or calls. We send... more

Awhile ago, I posted a little something about keeping what’s important to birth families. It had to do with a conversation we had with our children’s birth mother about having the kids continue with swimming, as she had been a competitive swimmer. A couple of weeks ago, I posted a follow-up, now that summer is here and the kids are actually in swimming, and how it was an... more

Last month, I blogged about enrolling my children in swim classes to honor a hope expressed by the children’s birth mother.

Today, the children finished their first two-week session of the summer. They are enrolled in four two-week sessions altogether. They received certificates and the two youngest passed all of their requirements for the next level. As mentioned, my oldest has never really been comfortable in water, so whereas he didn’t pass to the next level... more

All children go through emotional growth periods where they seem to have a deeper understanding of the world around them and their place in it. You can see it when your toddler begins to feel safe in playing 10 feet away, and then in the next room. Adopted children go through these emotional growth periods in their understanding of their adoption, and what the adoption means to them personally. In an open adoption, you may begin talking about birthparents, and visiting them as you leave the hospital. A toddler cannot completely understand about adoption or birthparents. However,... more

Here is the scenario. My mother is a foster parent to teenage girls. I talked her into fostering when my father died about 10 years ago to keep her busy and provide her with companionship. Obviously, since she only parents teenage girls, many are now adults. She told me this morning that an older sister, around 25, has given birth to a healthy baby girl about four hours from where we live. The father, a boyfriend, isn’t helping, nor is he interested in parenting. The mother of the baby told her sisters that she is thinking about placing the baby for adoption. My mother asked me... more

I came across this story this morning. A man who was adopted found his birth father. Instead of the touching reunion many adopted children envision, this man found that his biological father was a convicted murderer on Ohio’s Death Row.

The son, Sean Baker, is convinced of this biological father’s innocence, even though the man is believed to have been the leader in a prison riot that ended a correctional officer’s life, not to mention the crime that landed him behind bars in the first place (also a... more

I don’t swim. Many a brave soul has tried…and failed…to teach me. I took classes as a child. Yes, passing a swim class is necessary to graduate from high school (or at least it was when I attended back in the Dark Ages). But the requirement was merely that you passed the class, not that you had to swim. In fact, I was compared to a pontoon. It was that bad.

I married a man who does not swim. What are the odds of that? He hates it more than I do, if that is possible. He also tried to learn many, many times. We don’t really even like being on the water, much less... more

Say, that you are an adoptive family. A teenager approaches you for advice. She is barely in high school and confides that she just found out that she is four months pregnant from the school nurse. She has told no one else, doesn’t know who else to ask, and is desperate for advice. What would you tell this teenager? After all, you are an adoptive family with a current homestudy. Would you try to convince her to place with you? Would you give her all of her possible options, including adoption, but not mention your family’s status? Would you mention that... more

Recently a reader sent me an email asking for advice regarding a failed adoption in which the reader still has physical custody of the child. May I first make it clear that I am not an adoption professional neither do have legal training. I do have 14 years of foster care experience, have adopted seven children, and mentored new foster and adoptive parents for many years. While I have strong feelings about adoption issues and freely share my advice, it probably isn’t what the reader or most adoptive families would expect to hear. A family involved in a failed adoption is hoping... more

It is that time of year again already. The months seem to fly by and six months comes so quickly. Our adoption agency has requested that we send an update semi-annually for the first five years, then once a year. It is hard to believe that our beautiful daughter is one and a half already. I want to tell her birthmother so much about her in each update letter because we are so proud of her. It is tempting to send many photos because she is so cute and photogenic. What holds me back from doing it then? We currently have a closed adoption because that was her birthmother’s choice.... more