Here is the scenario. My mother is a foster parent to teenage girls. I talked her into fostering when my father died about 10 years ago to keep her busy and provide her with companionship. Obviously, since she only parents teenage girls, many are now adults. She told me this morning that an older sister, around 25, has given birth to a healthy baby girl about four hours from where we live. The father, a boyfriend, isn’t helping, nor is he interested in parenting. The mother of the baby told her sisters that she is thinking about placing the baby for adoption. My mother asked me... more

It was bound to happen. We can all pretend that racism is a thing of the past, yet we know in our hearts that it isn’t. We were told during transracial adoption training that it would happen and that we needed to prepare our children for it. Of course, we didn’t think it would really happen to us. It may be especially difficult for those of us raised in Midwest, middleclass, suburbia to accept. We were never exposed to racism growing up because we weren’t exposed to people of other races enough to say so. My high school had three blacks in attendance and two of them were actually... more

I have been asked this question a LOT since becoming a foster or adoptive mom. I do have a lot of children, which people notice. But, the question is asked even when I'm out with just a few kiddos.

So, am I a daycare? Am I offended by the question?

First of all, *I*, as one stand-alone human form, am not a daycare. My body shape possesses no buildings, no staff.

Am I daycare teacher? Are these children in my daycare class? No, ma’am. They are mine. 24/7. I’m the mom.

Am I offended by the question? No. We... more

More of my favorite personally received rude comments about my children and/or parenting:

I was walking through the grocery store with four children. We were just doing our shopping, not bothering anyone. A lady approached me and asked if I’d mind if she asked me a question. “Ummm……okay, sure”. Then she looks me straight in the eye and – I kid you not! – asks me if I’d mind if she paid for me to have a hysterectomy!!

Again, I had no ready answer. I can’t even remember what I said to her. But, I did get home without the hysterectomy.

I... more

Rude comments. About your child. About your parenting. What parent hasn’t heard them?

They aren’t exclusive to adoptive moms or foster moms. I remember a few from when I was “just” a birth mom. But, since we've added children to our family “non-genetically”, It sure seems that we hear them much more often now!

A couple of “fun ones” that we’ve heard over the years (translate to “most offensive” and, oh, it was HARD to limit this to just a few…):

At the grocery story,... more

I tend not to get too worked up about some of the insensitive and downright silly things that people say about adoption. I guess it all depends on how I feel on any given day. I've settled down over the years, but some things still bother me. For example, whenever someone tells me that they are uncomfortable with the thought of adopting because "you just don't know what you're getting." That still bothers me. Not as much as it used to, but, I still have to count to ten when I hear that comment, before I respond.

It would make more sense to me if the anxiety expressed by these folks was about unknown medical history, but, that's not typically the case. Usually the fear of the unknown... more