My kids began their Spring Break today. My son's best friend since preschool is staying over tonight. That could easily turn into a weekend visit. That's fine by us. He is such a wonderful kid and his mama "done raised him good." When he visits it never feels like an extra child is staying overnight, just another one of our own.

We all went out to dinner tonight to a restaurant that serves good homecooked comfort food and that is also very child friendly. It makes the dining experience feel almost good as home. We enjoyed a leisurely dinner and sat around talking and laughing.

It's neat when all four of the kids (ages 8,9,10 and 11) are are together. Every once in a while... more

Yesterday, I wrote about my son's better than expected adjustment to our adoption of the girls. I was feeling pretty confident and rather smug about the way he seemed to work right through the kinks that came up in the initial phases.

I'm not particularly objective, but, I am rather impressed with how well our children get along with one another despite typical and sometimes intense sibling squabbles. When push comes to shove they watch out for one another and they take care of one another. At times it has required some prodding, but, in general my son has done a first rate job at being... more

I left a comment earlier this week at the Adoption Search Blog saying that I wanted to continue the dialogue about the use of the word unwanted in referring to the birth circumstances of adopted children. I gave a lot of thought to this because I know that I am one of the offenders.

After reading the post I have made a decision to stop using that language and to start using unplanned instead of unwanted. I've already made the change in fact. I was in a staffing meeting as a consultant yesterday and I deliberately used the term unplanned pregnancy in reference to a young soon-to-be mother.

Perhaps I became comfortable... more

Sometimes I'm surprised at how much adults expect young children to understand about adoption. There is little disagreement in the adoption community that the sooner a child is informed that he or she is adopted the better. But what is it that we think is "the better" about it?

There seems to be this misunderstanding that simply because young children can talk about "being adopted" they understand what it means. Those that don't believe a young child fully comprehends what it means, tend to still be equally misguided in believing that the young child's discussion about adoption indicates his level of comprehension about the matter is taking root and developing. Both assumptions... more

My mother died before I became a mother. That makes me sad. I miss her terribly. My father knew my son, but, then he died when my son was five. He never met the girls. I miss him too. That makes me even sadder.

Once when my son and I were talking he had an "a-ha" moment when he realized that I didn't have any parents and that I had not had a mother for a very long time. I think he was about eight when that occured to him. He was very sincere when he told me that I should have gotten someone to adopt me, "like we did with the girls" so that I could, "have some parents, because everybody needs parents." Out of the mouths of babes. Everybody, needs parents.

I guess I'm reminded... more

Well, I'm going to jump in here and go ahead and tackle the hot button topic among adoptive parents. "The Real Parent" is a phrase that seems to take on a life of its own in the minds of many adoptive parents, their children and extended family members.

I guess the issue has been around since adoption has been around. But, sometimes I think it is an issue that is simply a by-product of well meaning experts. One that parents have taken on as their own.

About a month ago, I sat in a staffing meeting in a consulting role at a child welfare agency involving an adoptive family. Before the family arrived information was disseminated and shared about the case orally and in writing.... more