I want my adopted child to know that he can ask me anything about his adoption. As his mother, I am in the best position to know what to say and how to say it so that my adopted child can understand his adoption in the best possible way. However, I am not the person he is going to turn to if he perceives that I am uncomfortable with talking about his adoption. How can we, as adoptive parents, make ourselves approachable on this subject?

For me, talking about adoption with my kid is similar to talking with him about sex. Yes, both topics can be uncomfortable... more

As I posted in Protecting Adopted Child from the Media, I really dislike it when the media goes out of its way to point out that a child was adopted when the child’s adoption is irrelevant to the story. As an example, I pointed out how frequently the media reminds us that Tom and Nichole adopted their children. My son is just my son. Yes, he joined my family through adoption, but his adoption does not define who he is.

I happen... more

In my post, How to Talk Your Adopted Child through “Real Mom” Comments, I talked about ways to help your child handle comments from other people stating that the adopted child does not have a “real mom.” Another challenge adoptive families face is how to handle your adopted child turning this comment against you.

When my son’s kindergarten friend told my son that I was not his “real mom,” my son was very hurt.... more

I knew it was inevitable for my adopted child to hear a comment about his adoption at some point in his childhood, but I was surprised when this started in kindergarten. My son was very upset after school one day because his friend had told him that I was not his “real mom.” How can a parent reassure her adopted child that he has a “real” family?

On another occasion, this same child in my son’s class said that my son “does not have a mom.” I was floored by this comment, even more so than the first,... more

We have a dog! It’s official. We’ve adopted a pet, a very purposefully selected Labradoodle puppy. We had to fill out paperwork that actually spelled out the pet adoption particulars.

My experiences in the world of adoption have taught me that some folks disapprove of the word “adoption” being used for anything other than a child adoption.

“Those of us who are parents by adoption and adoption activists believe that, in turning upon a kind of "save the rejects" image, such programs trivialize a serious topic. Though these programs... more

Have you been asked this about your children: “Where are they from?” Or has your child been asked the question?

Is this one of “those questions” that adoptive parents dread? Or is it, instead, a question that is welcomed?

Like with everything else, it probably depends on the person, family and situation. Here’s a situation I experienced today:

At the grocery store, a girl passed by with a t-shirt read “Bad is the new good”. Three teen daughters, all in the states now for less than two years tried to figure out what that... more

My daughter loves looking at the scrapbook I created of Our Adoption Journey… It starts with a infant picture I got off the Russian Database. Then it has her in the baby home, with her little friends and pictures taken between trips by her caregivers and then it shows us meeting her, picking her up, her on the plane ride home and then life at home. I often wonder how I will tell the details of the story that are difficult. I have not figured it out nor have I shared them with her but I better figure something out soon.

Telling her story in... more

1) Everyone needs to wear their OWN underwear. From now on, you get in trouble for wearing other people’s chonies.

2) Honey, stop by the pet store for a urine odor removal product (for our child). Be sure to get a product for cats. (Sad that I should know this.)

3) Did you say I’m not your “real” mom? Oh! I get it! You mean I’m not your vagina mom!

4) I see that you like the word ‘a**h***. Because I’m a good mom, I want you to be best at that word. You may bring a new fact about the anus to the table every night for the whole... more

This can easily be both the easiest and hardest part of adopting a child into a family that already has other children. “Adoption means you’re part of our family.” Yep, it’s both easy and hard to explain.

Our first adopted child was first our foster child, with a return home plan. The case plan for these two children changed gradually and so we were able to present these changes to all of the children as they happened. First, they understood that the children were staying with us, so that we could take care of them because their mommy and daddy... more

So, the children seem to have a good understanding of what foster care is. What happens if that plan changes to adoption? What happens and how do we explain to the children that they won’t be returning to live with their parents?

First, it needs to be explained to the foster child. In an ideal world, it would be the birth parents who explain this to their child. In a “less than ideal, but still somewhat okay” world, it would be the child’s therapist with whom the foster child has an established relationship. Even further down the chain of “best... more