One of the criticisms I’ve heard within the adoptive parent portion of the triad, is that open adoptions are “confusing” to the child somehow. For example:

* Having two mommies and/or two daddies * Along with the above, which is the “real” parent? * Birth parents will want to “co-parent” and thus “diminish” the authority of the adoptive parent

We have an open adoption. We routinely send pictures to our children’s birth family. We talk to them on the phone. We mark special occasions with cards, presents, and/or calls. We send... more

I’m often asked about our open adoption. People are amazed that our kids are happily in contact with their birth family. I think the surprise comes from several sources:

Children are placed for adoption for a variety of reasons: The underlying assumption many (erroneously) make is that children are placed for adoption because something is “wrong” in the family of origin. People routinely believe that one or both of the birth parents are involved in something unsavory. In fact, the first question I usually hear is, “What’s wrong with the mother?” Or... more

All children go through emotional growth periods where they seem to have a deeper understanding of the world around them and their place in it. You can see it when your toddler begins to feel safe in playing 10 feet away, and then in the next room. Adopted children go through these emotional growth periods in their understanding of their adoption, and what the adoption means to them personally. In an open adoption, you may begin talking about birthparents, and visiting them as you leave the hospital. A toddler cannot completely understand about adoption or birthparents. However,... more

Say, that you are an adoptive family. A teenager approaches you for advice. She is barely in high school and confides that she just found out that she is four months pregnant from the school nurse. She has told no one else, doesn’t know who else to ask, and is desperate for advice. What would you tell this teenager? After all, you are an adoptive family with a current homestudy. Would you try to convince her to place with you? Would you give her all of her possible options, including adoption, but not mention your family’s status? Would you mention that... more

A reader recently posted a question on one of my blogs as a comment. She asked me if the adoption tax credit could help to eliminate a person’s self-employment tax. This reader was understandably confused when she was told that the adoption tax credit did not apply to the self-employment tax. Surprisingly, I can answer this question. In my previous life, before adoption, I was an accountant. In addition, Super Dad and I completed two adoptions in 2007 and I earned money from self-employment (blogging) in 2007. Therefore, our tax return may be very similar to this reader’s tax... more

My son and I were talking a walk around the neighborhood when we came across an "It's a Girl" balloon on a mailbox. Nicholas pointed to the balloon and said, "Look, Mom! They adopted a girl!" Of course, we do not know these people and have no idea whether that baby joined their family through birth or adoption, but I think it is really cool that Nicholas immediately assumed that the baby joined the family through adoption. This tells me that he sees adoption as normal rather than as an anomaly that makes our family different.

What makes this doubly... more

If you have a family pet, then you have a wonderful way to help a younger adopted child understand adoption. The family pet is clearly not blood-related to the other family members, but he is a welcome and beloved member of the family. Such a complex concept as adoption can seem much more simple with a concrete example like the family pet.

I have used our dog to help my son understand why his birthmother would choose to "give him away." I explained that his birthmother did not give him away. Instead, she wanted my son to have the life that he does,... more

We had some discussion going on my post, Adopted Child and "Not My Real Mom" Comments, about my son using the term "real mom" when he is referring to his birthmother. I have chosen to let him call her whatever he wants. I refer to her as his birthmother, and I am not taking offense when he calls her his "real mom" because I know he does not mean it as a slight to me. He is just a little kid, and having "two moms" is a big concept to grasp.

However,... more

I was reading an article about international adoption in a magazine, looking for ideas to blog about on my Hoping to Adopt blog. I skimmed through the article but did not see anything that piqued my interest: Most of what was said has been said numerous times before (and better, in my possibly biased opinion) by Sandra on the International Adoption blog and Erin on the Transracial Adoption... more

One issue that continues to rear its ugly head with my adopted child is the "real mom" comments. I have posted about this a couple of times before (see Related Topics below). Each time I think I have handled it, my son says it again: "You are not my real mom." Here is the most recent episode ...

My friend and I took our children to the park. Our children (ages 6 and 7) were swinging on the swing set and talking in an animated fashion. My son got off the swing and ran across the playground. When he did, his friend yelled out, "Faith is not your real mom." My son did not... more