I purchased this Language Little Anna Doll for my daughters Birthday. It’s a tad pricey for a doll but I really thought it was a great idea. She speaks both Russian & English. Several people asked why I got it? Why would I pay so much for a doll? Why was I trying to teach her to speak Russian? I guess I got it because it is a way to show her we respect her culture. She is Russian. I hold Russia dear to my heart because my family was created there. Imagine giving birth in a country other... more

During the 15 years I spent as a preschool teacher I remember two distinct different types of children at play. The type who could play alone and stay occupied and the ones that wanted me or another child to initiate play and to be played with constantly. Children learn through play. The saying goes “ play is the work of children” and it was frustrating and hard seeing a child who could not play. All children can play, but these children needed assistance playing.

I remember when I was a Babysitter /Nanny for a family. The 5 year old would... more

I definitely agree with the position paper referenced on Nancy's blog that RAD is wayyyyy over diagnosed. I don't think that nearly as many children who are diagnosed with RAD actually meet the formal criterion for RAD. I don't think nearly as many who receive so-called "attachment therapy" require that level of intensity for treatment. I believe that often conflictual relationships between parents and their children are just that, conflicts between parent and child...sometimes driven by the child's behavior and temperament, sometimes driven by the parent's, often times driven... more

Nancy Spoolstra, who writes the Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog, is running an excellent series right now about a position statement that was recently issued on RAD by a national child welfare group. Please go to her site to read more.

I don't think I have ever weighed in with my opinion about Reactive Attachment Disorder. I imagine that I always come off sounding like a centrist in much of what I write, as if I don't have strong opinions about anything one way or the other. That's not true,... more

I wrote about my problems letting go of my baby in an earlier post. I was prolonging her time on the bottle for attachment. I feel we made huge progress in our attachment goals and I did not feel the need to keep her on it any longer. I know that children should be weaned from the bottle around 12-14 months and here she is 22 months old. It is time.

We did it… we are bottle free. It was no problem for our daughter, but then again she was only getting one a day. We had slowly weaned her down from 3 a day to 1 a day. She has not asked for it and never really was... more

Its just been one of those days… my daughter is fighting me tooth & nail this morning. Everything is a drawn out knock down battle followed by a tantrum. We all have bad days; I guess our children are no different.

But when your normally happy-go-lucky child becomes a screaming, hitting & pinching child it makes the day much harder. I hate these days… I wish that like a storm you could predict its arrival by the dark clouds in the sky. These moods of my daughters have no warnings; I usually just get hit with them first thing in the... more

There are some inconsistencies that appear between my parenting style as an adoptive mother and the advice that I give to other adoptive parents. For example, I can't quibble with the value of lifebooks. I would suggest that any adoptive parent prepare one for his or her child for all of the reasons that are discussed in various venues. I did not prepare one for either of my daughters. Instead, I keep a regular old journal for the girls, the same as I do for my biological son. The girls' journals are not chocked full of musings on their adoption. Mostly I just write about regular stuff, how... more

One of the questions that I am asked the most often by parents who are raising children with severe emotional or psychiatric disturbances is, "Will I ever be able to just be a regular parent?" What they mean by that is will their lives be, forever, ruled by therapists and psychiatrists and medications and IEP meetings and charts and stars and stickers, and point systems. They want to know will they always have to "process" feelings, events, and what other families would consider to be mundane experiences? They want to know will their child ever attend sleepovers, birthday parties, and sleep... more

Real conversation that took place today:

"Hello Dr. Gray?" "Yes" (heart pounding hoping nothing has happened to my child) "This is (the dance teacher)" "Yes, Mr. dance teacher?" "(Your child) did not want to participate in dance today." "Okay." "When I told her I was going to call you she started crying." "Okay." "She wouldn't stop crying." "Okay." "Is she going through some emotional trauma or something at home?"

WHAT! Emotional trauma? Where in the (heck) did that come from?

"No. She is... more

Bill over at the Foster Care Blog posted on the topic of therapy yesterday. He shared his perspective on the question that many adopted children and their parents may ask, "Therapy: What is it and why do I need it?"

After reading his post and leaving a comment, I agreed to follow up with the discussion. Zheez. What was I thinking? This is a complicated topic and would take weeks to discuss. I'll do my best to address central issues over the next couple of posts.

Let's start with the first part of the question,... more