I don't know how to write this post without coming off as snarky or jealous. I'm just going to write what is in my head and heart and hope it comes out the way I intend. The problem with blogs is that you can't always pick up on sincerity or sarcasm.

While visiting blogs and forums I often read about new families; you know the type the 1, 3, 6, 9 month home type updates and what always strike me as odd or different are claims like the following: he has had no problems attaching or she has just adjusted beautifully or unlike some of... more

Attachment was the subject of two great blogs today - Lauri at adoptive parenting and Owlhaven at Ethiopia Adoption shared thoughts on attachment issues that had me reflecting on some my own experiences.

The question was asked of how long does it take for a child to attach. Holly, from the Africa Adoption blog, shared that she'd once been told to allow one year for each year that the child is old. Early in our adoption days, particularly those of adopting children with attachment disorder (yes, on purpose), we were told the... more

I recently sent out a form letter via email to our small group of family & friends. It stated that we were going back to basics so to speak with Livi and wanted to return to the Mama & Papa only meet needs concept. We did this in our early months home and we are planning to do it again for the time being. Recently I have been really lax with this and as a result I’m seeing anxious attachment behaviors. I’m guilty of thinking that because she is doing better in her attachment and because we have been home a certain amount of months that we can bend the... more

I have been wondering about this topic lately…most parents newly home with their adopted child may choose to regress to help with attachment & bonding. For example our daughter was 16 months when we adopted her and we regressed to the bottle and treated her like a much younger child to encourage attachment. We babied her, cuddled her, coochie, coochie cooed her and all the stuff you would do with a newborn. Parents of older children may decided to rock them, cuddle their child in a blanket and play baby like games of peek a boo. Even... more

I often think…. had I given birth to Olivia I would have a nine month old. Does that make sense? I have been a parent for only nine months,the time it takes to create a home grown kidlet. I’m getting the hang of this Mom business, and I no longer worry about forgetting her in the car. She is always with me, by me or near me…. She is such a part of me now. I have my days both good and bad. I have learned so much about myself since becoming a parent; this is a lesson that cannot be taught in school, classes or from a book. Its something... more

I am by no means an expert in the field of attachment parenting. What I am about to write is only what has worked for me, or not worked for me from my experiences. There is so much to be said about the benefits of attachment parenting and no doubt focusing on your child’s trust & security is a good thing. I was rather stealth in my attachment parenting in the beginning and as my daughter grew more secure I backed off a bit. I have a big attachment tool box and I will add or... more

We have been home for eight months now. That’s hard to believe because it’s hard to remember a time before Livi. My life has so drastically changed and altered the day we stepped off the plane and arrived home ready to begin this journey. Many people celebrate Gotcha day/Family day and while that day is equally special. I like to celebrate coming home and that was March 30th 2006. Oh how we longed to just come home after spending nearly a month in another country. I no longer can easily recall how many months we have been home. I have... more

Rejection: You can read about it and try to prepare yourself for it but nothing really prepares you for the feelings you have when your child rejects you. I totally expected our daughter to be shy & withdrawn on our orphanage visits and for the first few months. I expected to be rejected on some level; after all I was a complete stranger.

I can remember my first meeting with my daughter like it was yesterday. This 14 month old child was placed in my arms… she was scared stiff. She rocked herself, was guarded and stoic. I remember... more

I fell in love with my daughter the moment I saw her face, that’s not to say that it did not take a while to feel truly attached to her or for it to feel real to me. This is hard to write about but I think it’s important. I believe this is one of the less talked about topics of adoption. Attachment is a process and it takes time on both sides.

This post is not about how well Livi did in attaching to me, but it’s more about how I did attaching to her. I remember my first few weeks home and people would call and say “ Don’t you just love it” or... more

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post on adopted children who reject their adoptive parents. I just now ran across this article that I wish I had included in that post. I don't know that the content is particularly earth shattering, but it is informative. One of the statements gave me pause:

When my husband and I adopted our children in the state of Massachusetts through the Department of Social Services, one of the many morsels of advice given to the pre-adoptive parent(s) is that you must not expect instant... more