I am reading a book for my lay ministry classes and I came to a very interesting portion. The book is called “Transforming Leadership” and it’s by Leighton Ford. The book is about Jesus as a leader.

The part that interested me has nothing to do with religion. The author is talking about another book called “Creative Suffering” by Paul Tournier. He wrote the book after reading some research done by Dr. Pierre Rentchnick. Dr. Rentchnick did an interesting study of some of the greatest leaders in the history of the world and discovered that over three... more

My relationship with my family is strained at best, and a great majority of it is because my family does not agree with the way I parent my kids. My kids have all come through foster care and have had traumatic backgrounds. I cannot parent them the way you parent “normal” children.

Many other families struggle with extended family relationships as well. As parents we also walk a fine line with what to reveal about our children in order to help our family understand what we are dealing with, and respecting our children’s privacy.

The other... more

Sucking the air outI would like to address a comment made on a blog that I wrote on July 2, 2008 entitled “Place Older Adopted Children With Stay at Home Parent.” In that blog, I stated that older adopted children typically come to their new family with abandonment issues. I realize there are many other issues involved, but I am addressing just abandonment for now. In the summary of the article I stated, “Try to find a way to spend those first... more

One of the criticisms I’ve heard within the adoptive parent portion of the triad, is that open adoptions are “confusing” to the child somehow. For example:

* Having two mommies and/or two daddies * Along with the above, which is the “real” parent? * Birth parents will want to “co-parent” and thus “diminish” the authority of the adoptive parent

We have an open adoption. We routinely send pictures to our children’s birth family. We talk to them on the phone. We mark special occasions with cards, presents, and/or calls. We send... more

Awhile ago, I posted a little something about keeping what’s important to birth families. It had to do with a conversation we had with our children’s birth mother about having the kids continue with swimming, as she had been a competitive swimmer. A couple of weeks ago, I posted a follow-up, now that summer is here and the kids are actually in swimming, and how it was an... more

For many of us, Mother’s Day is not the day we had dreamed of when we started out our parenting journey. We don’t have children rushing to us with hugs and fists full of flowers. We aren’t greeted with “I love you” or children wanting to make the day perfect for us.

Many of my days started with my son throwing a huge fit, possibly literally throwing things, cursing at me and other equally fun things. At some point in my parenting journey, I stopped making the day about making my kids feel good about having me for a mom, and instead I celebrate making... more

I don’t swim. Many a brave soul has tried…and failed…to teach me. I took classes as a child. Yes, passing a swim class is necessary to graduate from high school (or at least it was when I attended back in the Dark Ages). But the requirement was merely that you passed the class, not that you had to swim. In fact, I was compared to a pontoon. It was that bad.

I married a man who does not swim. What are the odds of that? He hates it more than I do, if that is possible. He also tried to learn many, many times. We don’t really even like being on the water, much less... more

As a kid, I loved board games, but never played the very popular Game of Life. Now, as an adult, I still love games, though I play more of them on the computer than anything else.

Imagine, then, my joy at finding a “newfangled” version of the game of Life for the computer! But, boy, is it ever fast-paced. With my ADD, there are times in the game where I just get mind-boggled with all the activity going on! At various stages of... more

Recently a reader sent me an email asking for advice regarding a failed adoption in which the reader still has physical custody of the child. May I first make it clear that I am not an adoption professional neither do have legal training. I do have 14 years of foster care experience, have adopted seven children, and mentored new foster and adoptive parents for many years. While I have strong feelings about adoption issues and freely share my advice, it probably isn’t what the reader or most adoptive families would expect to hear. A family involved in a failed adoption is hoping... more

Up until July of last year, I was the parent of only one child. One child, who by all accounts (and not just my biased one), is a pretty unique child in terms of behavior and temperament.

Thus, I fell into a trap that I think many new adoptive parents find themselves in: making everything about adoption. What I mean by that is, that every little behavioral “hiccup” had to be due to adoption-related issues (in my mind), rather than just developmental stuff that happens universally with all children.

In talking to close friends with children who were not... more