Sucking the air outI would like to address a comment made on a blog that I wrote on July 2, 2008 entitled “Place Older Adopted Children With Stay at Home Parent.” In that blog, I stated that older adopted children typically come to their new family with abandonment issues. I realize there are many other issues involved, but I am addressing just abandonment for now. In the summary of the article I stated, “Try to find a way to spend those first... more

One of the criticisms I’ve heard within the adoptive parent portion of the triad, is that open adoptions are “confusing” to the child somehow. For example:

* Having two mommies and/or two daddies * Along with the above, which is the “real” parent? * Birth parents will want to “co-parent” and thus “diminish” the authority of the adoptive parent

We have an open adoption. We routinely send pictures to our children’s birth family. We talk to them on the phone. We mark special occasions with cards, presents, and/or calls. We send... more

Awhile ago, I posted a little something about keeping what’s important to birth families. It had to do with a conversation we had with our children’s birth mother about having the kids continue with swimming, as she had been a competitive swimmer. A couple of weeks ago, I posted a follow-up, now that summer is here and the kids are actually in swimming, and how it was an... more

For many of us, Mother’s Day is not the day we had dreamed of when we started out our parenting journey. We don’t have children rushing to us with hugs and fists full of flowers. We aren’t greeted with “I love you” or children wanting to make the day perfect for us.

Many of my days started with my son throwing a huge fit, possibly literally throwing things, cursing at me and other equally fun things. At some point in my parenting journey, I stopped making the day about making my kids feel good about having me for a mom, and instead I celebrate making... more

I don’t swim. Many a brave soul has tried…and failed…to teach me. I took classes as a child. Yes, passing a swim class is necessary to graduate from high school (or at least it was when I attended back in the Dark Ages). But the requirement was merely that you passed the class, not that you had to swim. In fact, I was compared to a pontoon. It was that bad.

I married a man who does not swim. What are the odds of that? He hates it more than I do, if that is possible. He also tried to learn many, many times. We don’t really even like being on the water, much less... more

As a kid, I loved board games, but never played the very popular Game of Life. Now, as an adult, I still love games, though I play more of them on the computer than anything else.

Imagine, then, my joy at finding a “newfangled” version of the game of Life for the computer! But, boy, is it ever fast-paced. With my ADD, there are times in the game where I just get mind-boggled with all the activity going on! At various stages of... more

Recently a reader sent me an email asking for advice regarding a failed adoption in which the reader still has physical custody of the child. May I first make it clear that I am not an adoption professional neither do have legal training. I do have 14 years of foster care experience, have adopted seven children, and mentored new foster and adoptive parents for many years. While I have strong feelings about adoption issues and freely share my advice, it probably isn’t what the reader or most adoptive families would expect to hear. A family involved in a failed adoption is hoping... more

Up until July of last year, I was the parent of only one child. One child, who by all accounts (and not just my biased one), is a pretty unique child in terms of behavior and temperament.

Thus, I fell into a trap that I think many new adoptive parents find themselves in: making everything about adoption. What I mean by that is, that every little behavioral “hiccup” had to be due to adoption-related issues (in my mind), rather than just developmental stuff that happens universally with all children.

In talking to close friends with children who were not... more

When my first grandchild was born, I insisted that my daughter let me baby sit for her when she returned to work. She may have been a little surprised because she came to live with us as a teenager and we adopted her when she was 15. During those days just after my granddaughter’s birth, I went to visit her and rock her almost everyday. My daughter had to return to work when her daughter was only five weeks old to support her. As you can imagine, I really bonded with my granddaughter during those early weeks. Eventually, our daughter Ami was born and placed with us through... more

I remember clearly when my mom began the journey into menopause. She was 42 and I was in the midst of my obligatory teen angst. This made for an extremely ugly time of hormonal head-butting. As often happens when one is an ignorant, pig-headed kid with little to no life experience, I swore it would be different when I had children (one of many bone-headed statements I have proven incorrect).

Well, here I am, mere weeks away from my 44th birthday and a full 12 months into perimenopause (yep, 42 was the magic number). You can’t wait until you are old enough... more