Adoptive Parenting

I am very open about adoption's role in building my family. My husband and I married while I was pregnant, and he adopted Bear a few months after his birth. Beauty is adopted from Guatemala. Suffice to say, adoption is a big, beautiful part of my life. I've noticed that many people assume that both my children are adopted (which they are, by my husband). It doesn't bother me, but when the conversation of pregnancy versus adoption arises, many times I get hit with the infamous question: which is harder, pregnancy or adoption? Oh, boy. In short, you really can't compare the two; it's apples to oranges. While pregnancy has an approximate start-to-finish time; adoption usually… [more]

When Bear was born, my husband and I had one uniting focus: meeting  Bear's needs and keeping him happy while we were doing so. Our marriage grew stronger as we really learned the meaning of "team effort".  Sure, there were trying moments, but overall, we did everything as a joint endeavor. I don't mind boasting that my husband, who worked two jobs, never missed a single nighttime feeding when he was home. We were just like that; we easily fell into a seamless pattern. Our transition with Beauty's arrival, however, wasn't quite as smooth. Let me preface the rest by saying that it was in no way, shape, or form the fault of Beauty. She… [more]

This will shock no one: stereotypes run rampant in adoption. "Birth mothers are promiscuous, young, poor, and uneducated." "Adoptive mothers are stuck up, rich, in it for the 'status symbol', and wildly desperate for a child." Do I even need to launch into a lecture on inclusive language? Or debunk the myth that all first and adoptive moms fit a single, respective mold? I didn't think so. Does it seem like first and adoptive moms are both able to face and receive a bad rap? Certainly. You can find best and worst case scenarios for any situation you can contemplate. For every person that has a great adoption experience to discuss, there's someone else with one that's not-so-great… [more]

Adoptive parenting comes in quite a few shapes and sizes. There's domestic adoption (open, semi-open, and closed), there's international adoption, there's fostering-to-adopt--and this is just scratching the surface of a few of the "big" ones. (There's also step-parent adoption, adoption within families, and so on, just to name a few more.) Today is the first day in a very important month; November is marked as National Adoption Awareness Month (NAAM). If you're unfamiliar, Adoption.com offers a fantastic amount of information, complete with suggestions for ways your family can celebrate each of the thirty days in November. While adoption in every form is deserving of a full month of focus, the official purpose of NAAM spotlights the adoption… [more]

I am a stay-at-home mom. I briefly mentioned as such in a blog I wrote for "adoptive parenting" earlier today, in fact, and felt compelled to expound a bit on this topic this evening. I say it proudly: I am a stay-at-home mom. I love it. I love it more than I ever thought possible. I love it with a fierce intensity. Yes, I love it. Here's what I don't love, though: the fact that it was seemingly expected. After all, we adopted a baby. I've had this conversation with so, so many of my adoptive mom friends at some point in time--some stay-at-home moms (SAHM), some work-at-home moms (WAHM), and some working moms (outside the home)--and the… [more]

When Beauty arrived home, we were in the midst of a blustery, snowy Chicago winter. It was freezing outside, but my heart was filled with a warmth beyond words. My daughter, a little girl I loved so strongly before she ever even took her first breath nine months prior, was here, in my arms. Our family of three had transitioned to a beautiful family of four and my heart was positively bursting with love. I've mentioned in past entries that my children are only 10.5 months apart in age; I've also mentioned the issues we dealt with upon Beauty's transitional period of homecoming. This is my entry dedicated to Bear's side of the same story. When I was pregnant, my… [more]

Today, October 15, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. As many adoptive parents come to their beautiful children after a struggle with infertility of some form, I felt this a fitting topic to discuss this evening. As I've mentioned in past entries, infertility had nothing to do with our decision to adopt Beauty. As my husband and I are both carriers of the Cystic Fibrosis gene, after reviewing our options we felt adoption to be the best fit for our family (rather than take a path of medical intervention). It was the best decision we could've made: I am an incredibly proud mother of one of the world's most amazing little girls. That said, the… [more]

I had the privilege of attending my first-ever "adoptive mommy-to-be" shower (via the internet, might I add, but still a shower nonetheless). And let me tell you, it was fantastic! I know the situations vary from family to family, but in ours, you typically receive one baby shower in honor of your first baby. Of course, if there are "special circumstances", the rules are a bit different (my mom being one example: my brothers are ten and twelve years older than I so she no longer had an arsenal of baby items at her disposal while pregnant with yours truly), but for the most part, that's how it goes. I wasn't expecting a shower while… [more]

A few weeks back, I had a quick cup of coffee with a dear friend of mine. We did the usually "catch up" convos; we talked about our families, reminisced about the "old days", and laughed a lot. I mentioned in passing that I was writing for AdoptionBlogs, and a conversation of interest ensued. Basically, she understood how I'd be engrossed in writing about international adoption and Guatemala (two subjects so very near to my heart), but she didn't quite "get" the whole adoptive parenting issue. "What," she posed, "does 'adoptive parenting' even mean? And how is it different from 'regular' parenting?" Tricky. You know, the short answer is that I honestly never really thought about defining… [more]

Today, Bear approached me and said: "Mommy, when are adopting my brother?" I told him I didn't know, but that adoption can take a long time sometimes. We talked a bit about Beauty's adoption from Guatemala and how it took a bit of time to get the paperwork in, and then we had to wait to find out she was in need of a family, and so on. He sat down beside me, and put his head in his hand and said, "This sure is a big deal then." Yes, baby. It's a big deal. A big, beautiful, and sometimes, seemingly-endless deal. I am continually amazed at the level of understanding my kids possess when it comes to… [more]